Amish Sweethearts by Leslie Gould Page B

said.
    She froze, her hand in midair.
    “Jah.” His voice rose again. “You’re courting Reuben, but you love Zane. How do you live with yourself?”
    She spun around and blew out the lamp. He was drunk. He didn’t know what he was talking about.
    “I know you,” Simon said as she started toward the hall. “You’ve always loved him.”
    “Stop it,” she hissed, turning back toward him even though she couldn’t see him in the dark.
    “You want to know if he loves you back, don’t you?” Simon’s breath reeked.
    “No.” She stepped away. “I don’t.”
    “Sure you do.” She guessed he smiled but couldn’t tell. “But I wouldn’t tell you, even if you asked.” Something lit up the room—a flashlight? Too flat. She realized it was a phone. Like Mandy’s.
    “He has a girlfriend,” Lila said, nodding toward the phone but turning her head from his rancid breath. “Mandy showed me the photos on Facebook.” The stab of pain in her chest, again, surprised her.
    “I doubt it’s true,” Simon said, stepping toward her. “He didn’t say anything about her when he was home. You can’t use that as an excuse not to live your own life.”
    He started for the hall, bumping into her as he passed, the light of the phone bobbing along. “Zane’s been much more faithful than you have.”
    “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said.
    If he heard, he ignored her. He turned down the hall, bumped against the wall, and then made his way to the bathroom. Lila stayed in the dark kitchen, hoping he wouldn’t come back. He didn’t. He bumped against the hall wall again and then finally fumbled his way into his bedroom and shut the door.
    Instead of going to bed, Lila stepped into the living room and sat in Dat’s chair. The moonlight made its way through the window. Trying to distract herself from what Simon had said, she curled up and looked at her hands. In the dim light theyreminded her of her Mamm’s. Young and worn at the same time. Lila didn’t mind the worn look—it meant she worked hard, taking care of her father and her siblings, helping to provide for the family.
    She knew her mother had loved Dat, but Lila also knew the relationship wasn’t easy for her Mamm. Her mother didn’t want to leave the church and marry Daniel and Lila’s biological father. “I was a foolish girl to get myself into that position, but always remember God worked good from it,” her mother had once said, the only time she talked about it. “And always remember that your Dat truly is your father. He’s the one who cares for you.”
    And he had, in his own way.
    All fathers had their struggles, Lila was sure. She knew things weren’t perfect between Zane and Joel. She knew there were times when Joel was distant and other times when he didn’t try to see things from Zane’s point of view—but he was never harsh.
    She didn’t expect marriage to be easy, but she didn’t expect it to be hard with Reuben either. They would be respectful and kind and caring. In the long run, it wouldn’t matter that she didn’t love him now. She was committed to Reuben. That was what would last.
    “How do you live with yourself?”
    She was doing the right thing in agreeing to marry Reuben, wasn’t she? She didn’t really love Zane. She’d had a crush on him when they were young, that was all. Monika had once said that was often what first love was. An infatuation. That’s what it was with Zane. Lila was sure of it. Simon didn’t know what he was talking about.
    The wood stove gave off a little heat but not much. She sank deeper into the chair, clasping her hands around her knees and drawing them to her chest, wishing she had a phone likeMandy’s. Not to send Zane a photo but to look at the ones of him from time to time. For a moment tonight, looking at his picture, he hadn’t felt as far away. And seeing him with Casey made her face reality.
    She sighed and climbed out of the chair. No, it was a good thing she