breakdown. You haven’t. You’ve been unwavering and just so strong.”
His head lowered so that I couldn’t see his eyes. “No. You just haven’t seen my breakdowns. They’ve been internal. That’s how I’ve always had them. What can I say, I was raised to not show my feelings. I didn’t when I lost Michelle, and I barely did when I lost Abrianna. So, yeah, I was terrified. I was as terrified as anybody else in this family. You just didn’t know it, because I guess I do a wonderful acting job.”
I smiled. I did know that about him. I knew that was how he was – that was how he always was. He was strong and not-so-silent, but you never saw him sweat.
“Well, we have this week now to try to get some normal back in the house,” I said. “Because as of next week, it’s going to get kind of crazy. We’re going to have to help Addison through rehab, and help her adjust to maybe not being as active as she was. And, of course, we’re going to have to be diligent with her for the rest of our lives – make sure that she never misses a doctor’s appointment, that kind of thing. But hopefully we can all get past this and everything will be just fine.”
“Ah, don’t curse it. Never think we got this, because the second you do, things go sideways. It’s the same kind of concept as making plans for God to laugh at. Let’s just look at it this way – things aren’t as bad as they could be. Not by a long shot. But we’re not out of the woods, and we may never be. But that’s okay. That’s life. You can never be too sure about anything in this crazy life, so we’re never going to be sure about Addy.”
“But we can still celebrate this little victory.”
Nick smiled. “That we can. And I like celebrating things with you. I really love celebrating things with you.”
He was hard again, and he slowly made love to me once more. As I pulled him closer into me, his breathing warm against my neck, I said a silent prayer – that Nick and I could feel this good, this happy, no matter what.
This, of course, was to be sorely tested.
In the worst possible way.
Fifteen
Addison
T he week flew by . I told my friends at school that my cancer wasn’t as bad as it could be, because it hadn’t spread, and they were really happy about that. Of course. Most of my friends knew at least one person who died of cancer, and they were all really worried that I was going to be the next one out.
Everything was uneventful. I went to school, did homework, even worked out with my soccer team after school. Mom and dad went to work every day, and I hung out with them a little in the evening. We played board games one night, and had a movie night another night with Chloe. None of us talked about my being sick. It was really a great week.
But on Monday, I knew that things were going to get really serious. That was the day of my surgery, and, with any luck, the docs were going to cut that awful tumor out, get all of it, and then send me off to rehab. Then I was going to have to go through radiation treatments and chemotherapy, because doc Jensen told me that he couldn’t be sure that there wasn’t still some cancer lurking around in my cells. That was one thing that I wasn’t looking forward to at all. At all at all. I knew that I was going to be sick and maybe lose my hair. I was going to be tired a lot. I hoped that I didn’t have to miss too much school, because I really wanted to graduate on time. That was important to me – graduate with my class, then enter culinary school, then be on my way. The last thing that I wanted to do was to repeat grades or go to summer school or anything like that.
I went to the hospital after Olivia was summoned to watch Chloe, and I was prepped for surgery. This was my first time being under general anesthesia, so the nurse explained all of that to me, with my parents in the room. They asked a lot of questions, and so did I, and everything was explained very thoroughly. Then the doctor who
His head lowered so that I couldn’t see his eyes. “No. You just haven’t seen my breakdowns. They’ve been internal. That’s how I’ve always had them. What can I say, I was raised to not show my feelings. I didn’t when I lost Michelle, and I barely did when I lost Abrianna. So, yeah, I was terrified. I was as terrified as anybody else in this family. You just didn’t know it, because I guess I do a wonderful acting job.”
I smiled. I did know that about him. I knew that was how he was – that was how he always was. He was strong and not-so-silent, but you never saw him sweat.
“Well, we have this week now to try to get some normal back in the house,” I said. “Because as of next week, it’s going to get kind of crazy. We’re going to have to help Addison through rehab, and help her adjust to maybe not being as active as she was. And, of course, we’re going to have to be diligent with her for the rest of our lives – make sure that she never misses a doctor’s appointment, that kind of thing. But hopefully we can all get past this and everything will be just fine.”
“Ah, don’t curse it. Never think we got this, because the second you do, things go sideways. It’s the same kind of concept as making plans for God to laugh at. Let’s just look at it this way – things aren’t as bad as they could be. Not by a long shot. But we’re not out of the woods, and we may never be. But that’s okay. That’s life. You can never be too sure about anything in this crazy life, so we’re never going to be sure about Addy.”
“But we can still celebrate this little victory.”
Nick smiled. “That we can. And I like celebrating things with you. I really love celebrating things with you.”
He was hard again, and he slowly made love to me once more. As I pulled him closer into me, his breathing warm against my neck, I said a silent prayer – that Nick and I could feel this good, this happy, no matter what.
This, of course, was to be sorely tested.
In the worst possible way.
Fifteen
Addison
T he week flew by . I told my friends at school that my cancer wasn’t as bad as it could be, because it hadn’t spread, and they were really happy about that. Of course. Most of my friends knew at least one person who died of cancer, and they were all really worried that I was going to be the next one out.
Everything was uneventful. I went to school, did homework, even worked out with my soccer team after school. Mom and dad went to work every day, and I hung out with them a little in the evening. We played board games one night, and had a movie night another night with Chloe. None of us talked about my being sick. It was really a great week.
But on Monday, I knew that things were going to get really serious. That was the day of my surgery, and, with any luck, the docs were going to cut that awful tumor out, get all of it, and then send me off to rehab. Then I was going to have to go through radiation treatments and chemotherapy, because doc Jensen told me that he couldn’t be sure that there wasn’t still some cancer lurking around in my cells. That was one thing that I wasn’t looking forward to at all. At all at all. I knew that I was going to be sick and maybe lose my hair. I was going to be tired a lot. I hoped that I didn’t have to miss too much school, because I really wanted to graduate on time. That was important to me – graduate with my class, then enter culinary school, then be on my way. The last thing that I wanted to do was to repeat grades or go to summer school or anything like that.
I went to the hospital after Olivia was summoned to watch Chloe, and I was prepped for surgery. This was my first time being under general anesthesia, so the nurse explained all of that to me, with my parents in the room. They asked a lot of questions, and so did I, and everything was explained very thoroughly. Then the doctor who
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