right-place-at-the-right-time category. Next comes word that HBO is passing. This hurls me into the beginnings of a deep depression. I realize that my career is falling apart. I came out of the gate big with Police Academy 4 (“big” is relative, okay) and then turned down a Fox pilot. (It got canceled after two years, but only because I didn’t star in it. I’m convinced.) My entire career and the possibility of ever getting laid again were riding on getting this HBO slot. I’m in the dumps. I hate showing my face back in Arizona, where half the people don’t want me to do well because they are jealous, and the other half want someone from their city to put the town on the map. It was awful.
I finally got a call. “They liked you, but you are their sixth pick and they only have room for five.” BUZZKILL! (Cue theme from M*A*S*H: “Suicide Is Painless.”) The five who were chosen are Jann Karam, Fred Stoller, Warren Thomas, Rob Schneider, and Drake Sather. I didn’t know how to take this news. Again I was good but not good enough.
Then Dennis Miller and Brad Grey started pushing HBO to use me in the show. They didn’t want to kick someone else off—they just wanted to help me get my slot. Somehow they talked HBO into spotlighting six comedians instead of five. This was the first time that this had ever happened, and it had happened for me. We would all just do shorter sets. No prob! Major relief, actually! So I was on cloud eleven. Mom was happy. And the couple of a-holes back in Arizona who wanted me to fail could suck a dick.
The way HBO did the special was that they would pick a theater, pack it with comedy fans, and tape two shows in one night. Then they would cut those two shows together and use your best material, combined with shots of whichever was the best audience. All of the comics they had chosen were good, and I knew it would be hard to stand out. By the night of the taping I was shaking in my boots. It was like I was back at Arizona State, about to go on at Greek Sing. Actually I wasn’t as freaked as I had been that night. I had Dennis Miller to help me relax this time. Plus, I had just done a weeklong guest stint on Baywatch, so my hair was extra blond and fluffy. I was feeling good about that. Unfortunately, I was also pretty sure I had contracted hep C because I had to go into the ocean for five minutes during shooting. I felt like that was enough time in the sewer to catch something gross. To add to my nerves, one of my all-time rock heroes, David Bowie, was in the audience that night. I don’t know why he was there, but holy shit, Ziggy Stardust in the stands just made everything more terrifying.
I watched everyone else’s set before I went on, and one thing shocked me. Warren Thomas wasn’t that prepared. He went out and just started talking to the crowd, saying things like, “What else is going on?” It seemed like he was finding jokes as he went along. I asked him afterward why he had done that. He said, “I don’t like to prepare it all perfectly. I usually let it flow when I’m at the clubs and see what happens. I’m good on my feet.” I admired the balls of this, but it was something I never would have done or even considered. I had worked on my act for weeks, deciding which lines to say and when, and if something came out spontaneously, great, but I had my seven minutes ready to go. When my turn came, things went my way. The crowd was great to me. I had a strong set and when I saw the show air, they wound up using almost everything I did, which was a gift. I guess they trimmed Warren way back. He was a great comedian but that night the crowd was just not there for him and so he lost something very valuable: airtime on a national television show.
The HBO Young Comedians Special is the kind of thing that can land on the desk of someone like Lorne Michaels. It goes without saying that it is a game changer. A few weeks later, I got the call that some people at Saturday Night
I finally got a call. “They liked you, but you are their sixth pick and they only have room for five.” BUZZKILL! (Cue theme from M*A*S*H: “Suicide Is Painless.”) The five who were chosen are Jann Karam, Fred Stoller, Warren Thomas, Rob Schneider, and Drake Sather. I didn’t know how to take this news. Again I was good but not good enough.
Then Dennis Miller and Brad Grey started pushing HBO to use me in the show. They didn’t want to kick someone else off—they just wanted to help me get my slot. Somehow they talked HBO into spotlighting six comedians instead of five. This was the first time that this had ever happened, and it had happened for me. We would all just do shorter sets. No prob! Major relief, actually! So I was on cloud eleven. Mom was happy. And the couple of a-holes back in Arizona who wanted me to fail could suck a dick.
The way HBO did the special was that they would pick a theater, pack it with comedy fans, and tape two shows in one night. Then they would cut those two shows together and use your best material, combined with shots of whichever was the best audience. All of the comics they had chosen were good, and I knew it would be hard to stand out. By the night of the taping I was shaking in my boots. It was like I was back at Arizona State, about to go on at Greek Sing. Actually I wasn’t as freaked as I had been that night. I had Dennis Miller to help me relax this time. Plus, I had just done a weeklong guest stint on Baywatch, so my hair was extra blond and fluffy. I was feeling good about that. Unfortunately, I was also pretty sure I had contracted hep C because I had to go into the ocean for five minutes during shooting. I felt like that was enough time in the sewer to catch something gross. To add to my nerves, one of my all-time rock heroes, David Bowie, was in the audience that night. I don’t know why he was there, but holy shit, Ziggy Stardust in the stands just made everything more terrifying.
I watched everyone else’s set before I went on, and one thing shocked me. Warren Thomas wasn’t that prepared. He went out and just started talking to the crowd, saying things like, “What else is going on?” It seemed like he was finding jokes as he went along. I asked him afterward why he had done that. He said, “I don’t like to prepare it all perfectly. I usually let it flow when I’m at the clubs and see what happens. I’m good on my feet.” I admired the balls of this, but it was something I never would have done or even considered. I had worked on my act for weeks, deciding which lines to say and when, and if something came out spontaneously, great, but I had my seven minutes ready to go. When my turn came, things went my way. The crowd was great to me. I had a strong set and when I saw the show air, they wound up using almost everything I did, which was a gift. I guess they trimmed Warren way back. He was a great comedian but that night the crowd was just not there for him and so he lost something very valuable: airtime on a national television show.
The HBO Young Comedians Special is the kind of thing that can land on the desk of someone like Lorne Michaels. It goes without saying that it is a game changer. A few weeks later, I got the call that some people at Saturday Night
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