were full of tears. He seemed broken. “The shame of it!” Then he wept, whether for Lali, for himself or for Alicia herself, I don’t know. But he was really crying.
I stood up and went to sit down next to him. Ernesto threw the folder onto the table and stared into nothingness. He sighed. He wiped away his tears and he looked into my eyes. He took my hand and squeezed it. He stroked a lock of hair that had fallen onto my face, put his hand on my leg and said, “Don’t worry, everything will be all right.”
That was when I finally persuaded myself that I had made a mistake.
27
“Pau.”
“Lali?”
“Yes.”
“Hey, what are you up to?”
“I’m here, at home. How did it go?”
“Really well. And you – what’s up?”
“Fine.”
“Didn’t you go to school?”
“No. Bet you didn’t either.”
“I was so tired after a weekend with my folks. They wore me out. At this stage in the year they don’t mark you down as absent, anyway.”
“…”
“…”
“Listen, Pau, about an hour ago my stomach started going really hard. It happened a couple of times over the weekend, too, but then it went away and I felt fine. But now it’s happening more often and it’s not going away. Do you have any idea what it could be?”
“No idea.”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“Does it hurt?”
“No, but it’s as hard as rock.”
“Hey, it couldn’t be a contraction, could it?”
“I don’t know.”
“I think I’ve heard that contractions are a bit like that.”
“A bit like what?”
“Like your stomach going hard.”
“…”
“But I’m not sure, OK?”
“And if it’s that, what do I have to do?”
“God, I wouldn’t begin to know!”
“…”
“You’d have to ask someone who knows. Do you want me to ask my mum?”
“No, don’t make things even more complicated.”
“No, of course I won’t say anything if you don’t want me to.”
“It seems to be going away a bit now.”
“Oh, that’s good.”
“Yes.”
“…”
“…”
“Has it gone?”
“Yes, just about.”
“Shall we meet up later?”
“All right.”
“I mean, if you’re well enough.”
“Yes, I’m sure I’ll be fine.”
“Five o’clock at the mall?”
“Yes, great.”
“Bye.”
“Bye.”
28
My mind was now much more at ease. I set myself to making something really nice for dinner. Something that Ernesto would like. I was too superstitious to make pork with pepper and creamed potatoes again. That’s what I had made the night that Ernesto went off to Brazil with Charo. Instead I opted for chicken with orange, which is a little bitter for my taste, but a sophisticated dish all the same, and one that had no bad associations.
The fact that Alicia’s body had been found didn’t change things so very much. True, if the autopsy was thorough, it would reveal that there had been a blow to the head. But you can never count on thoroughness in this country. And anyway, even if it were discovered, that blow didn’t have Ernesto’s name on it.
After showering, Ernesto came down to eat. Luckily Lali had gone out, to the mall, with a friend. The world could be about to end and you’d still find the malls full of teenagers window-shopping. My God, what a generation! But as far as I was concerned, if she wanted to go to the mall, let her go. And if she went back to sleep at her friend’s house, even better. It would be good for Ernesto and me to have some time alone, to be able to talk and act freely, without worrying about eavesdroppers. This wasn’t the right time to let Lali in on what had been happening.
I served up the chicken. Ernesto looked bad, worried. And with good reason, but you have to put a cheerful spin on things, or reality can kill you. Things were complicated, no denying it. But the situation was not yet irreversible, and that was important. There are few irreversible things in life: death, losing an arm, having a child. There’s no comeback from something like
I stood up and went to sit down next to him. Ernesto threw the folder onto the table and stared into nothingness. He sighed. He wiped away his tears and he looked into my eyes. He took my hand and squeezed it. He stroked a lock of hair that had fallen onto my face, put his hand on my leg and said, “Don’t worry, everything will be all right.”
That was when I finally persuaded myself that I had made a mistake.
27
“Pau.”
“Lali?”
“Yes.”
“Hey, what are you up to?”
“I’m here, at home. How did it go?”
“Really well. And you – what’s up?”
“Fine.”
“Didn’t you go to school?”
“No. Bet you didn’t either.”
“I was so tired after a weekend with my folks. They wore me out. At this stage in the year they don’t mark you down as absent, anyway.”
“…”
“…”
“Listen, Pau, about an hour ago my stomach started going really hard. It happened a couple of times over the weekend, too, but then it went away and I felt fine. But now it’s happening more often and it’s not going away. Do you have any idea what it could be?”
“No idea.”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“Does it hurt?”
“No, but it’s as hard as rock.”
“Hey, it couldn’t be a contraction, could it?”
“I don’t know.”
“I think I’ve heard that contractions are a bit like that.”
“A bit like what?”
“Like your stomach going hard.”
“…”
“But I’m not sure, OK?”
“And if it’s that, what do I have to do?”
“God, I wouldn’t begin to know!”
“…”
“You’d have to ask someone who knows. Do you want me to ask my mum?”
“No, don’t make things even more complicated.”
“No, of course I won’t say anything if you don’t want me to.”
“It seems to be going away a bit now.”
“Oh, that’s good.”
“Yes.”
“…”
“…”
“Has it gone?”
“Yes, just about.”
“Shall we meet up later?”
“All right.”
“I mean, if you’re well enough.”
“Yes, I’m sure I’ll be fine.”
“Five o’clock at the mall?”
“Yes, great.”
“Bye.”
“Bye.”
28
My mind was now much more at ease. I set myself to making something really nice for dinner. Something that Ernesto would like. I was too superstitious to make pork with pepper and creamed potatoes again. That’s what I had made the night that Ernesto went off to Brazil with Charo. Instead I opted for chicken with orange, which is a little bitter for my taste, but a sophisticated dish all the same, and one that had no bad associations.
The fact that Alicia’s body had been found didn’t change things so very much. True, if the autopsy was thorough, it would reveal that there had been a blow to the head. But you can never count on thoroughness in this country. And anyway, even if it were discovered, that blow didn’t have Ernesto’s name on it.
After showering, Ernesto came down to eat. Luckily Lali had gone out, to the mall, with a friend. The world could be about to end and you’d still find the malls full of teenagers window-shopping. My God, what a generation! But as far as I was concerned, if she wanted to go to the mall, let her go. And if she went back to sleep at her friend’s house, even better. It would be good for Ernesto and me to have some time alone, to be able to talk and act freely, without worrying about eavesdroppers. This wasn’t the right time to let Lali in on what had been happening.
I served up the chicken. Ernesto looked bad, worried. And with good reason, but you have to put a cheerful spin on things, or reality can kill you. Things were complicated, no denying it. But the situation was not yet irreversible, and that was important. There are few irreversible things in life: death, losing an arm, having a child. There’s no comeback from something like
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