realized, naaaah, couldn’t do it. Even though I NEEDED to.
But what Connor said next completely destroyed me.
He looked around at me still sitting on the sofa. His eyes were soft, and he smiled the tiniest bit.
“I couldn’t do it because I realized I was already in love with you.”
29
I told you that what I’d felt when I saw the photographs was indescribable.
This instant was like that, but times ten.
And in the completely opposite direction.
Joy.
My heart breaking – in a good way.
I wanted to cry – in a very good way.
I felt as though happiness was swelling inside me so fast I might burst.
And terror. I was terrified – of how fast it was happening, of what it meant.
But mostly I was astonished that he’d said it, that he’d actually said it.
Overwhelmed.
Dizzy.
Desire. I wanted him, I wanted to kiss him, I wanted to make love to him –
Caution. He was drunk, he had to be drunk, that’s why he was saying it, would he be saying it if he hadn’t had half a bottle of scotch in the last two hours?
I stared at him, my mouth open, trying to swim through the raging torrent of emotions threatening to drown me.
His smile faded slightly, and his face grew worried. “Lily…?”
I burst into a gigantic smile as tears filled my eyes.
“I love you, too,” I whispered.
30
As soon as I said it, his entire face lit up. He covered the distance between us in a few giant strides, reached down and grabbed my arms, and lifted me to my feet.
And kissed me.
My God, how he kissed me.
His arms around me, encircling me, holding me close, pressing me against his body.
I had never felt safer or more loved my entire life than in that instant.
His lips found mine and pressed against my mouth, soft at first, then insistent. Not just with desire, but tenderness, and excitement, and joy.
I could taste the scotch on his breath – overpowering at first, but then it began to fade, and within a few seconds I hardly noticed it.
I kissed him back, matching him as his passionate kisses became a frenzy.
Then he pulled away, cradled one hand behind my head, and whispered in my ear:
“I love you.”
He pulled back and looked me in the eyes, a huge smile on his face.
I half laughed, half sobbed, and the tears at the corners of my eyes trailed down my cheeks.
He kissed them away, then moved back to my mouth, and I could taste the salt on his lips.
“I love you,” he whispered, his lips just barely grazing mine before he kissed me again.
And then he bent down and swept me off my feet. Literally.
One arm caught me under my knees, and the other supported my back, and suddenly I was screaming and giggling as he hoisted me into the air and carried me off towards the bedroom. I put my hands to his cheeks, laughing, and kissed him again and again.
Once we were inside the bedroom, he set me back on my feet and tugged off my shoes, pulled at the straps on my dress, fumbled with my bra, pulled my panties down to the floor. At the same time, I was trying to undo his buttons, one by maddening one.
“Rip it off,” he whispered hoarsely.
“But – ”
“Do it,” he commanded as his hands grabbed my ass and pulled me to him.
I could already feel him hard and thick beneath his pants, the shape pressing against my belly, and I wanted him now .
Fuck the buttons.
I pulled the shirt apart, ripping the buttons out of their holes, some of them popping off and falling to the ground.
I fumbled as fast as I could with his belt, pulling it off him and unzipping his pants as his hands glided over my back, my breasts, my neck, running through my hair –
God, I was so wet.
I held the waistband of his underwear away from his body to make sure I wouldn’t hurt him when I pulled them off. I reached in and grabbed his cock, feeling it hot and thick and pulsing in my hand, then tugged the boxers down, down past his muscular thighs, all the way to the floor with his pants. I’d forgotten the shoes, though, and the pants hung
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