she was demanding, âHow long have you known about this?â
His father leaned heavily on the desk.
Where the hell was Matt? The thought of not bringing the children home made Daniel sick; the prospect of caring for them was the only thing that had kept him from going off the deep end. He buried his head in his hands.
âDaniel, I want to know how long youâve known about this,â Lydia said.
âNot long, Mom,â he lied, his voice muffled through his fingers, âjust for about a month.â
âIt was Ilanaâs idea, wasnât it.â She had a difficult relationship with Ilana, whom she perceived as constantly policing the boundaries between them; sheâd been furious when Ilana had asked her to wait a month before visiting, after Gal was born. They all spent a lot of energy denying that this was true, but Daniel knew that it was. Still, leaving him the kids hadnât been Ilanaâs idea, not hers alone.
âNo,â Daniel said firmly, looking up. âIt was both of them. We had a conversation about it.â
There was silence. Finally, Lydia said, âI have trouble believing that.â
âWhy?â he demanded. âI find that offensive. You think Joel wouldnât trust me to raise his children?â
âDaniel,â his father said. âPlease donât escalate this any more than necessary.â
Lydia began to cry. âI feel so betrayed,â she said. âItâs as though Joel were killed all over again.â
âOh, please!â Daniel said. âHis having a desire of his own means he was killed all over again?â
âDaniel,â his father barked.
âI canât help the way I feel,â his mother said. âDo not tell me how I can and cannot feel.â
Danielâs hands were sweating on the knees of his pants. This new legal hitch made him feel desperately undermined, as though his bid to be an adult had failed right in front of them. He knew that, to his father, heâd always been the perplexing twin, given every opportunity but lacking in the kind of ambition Sam understood. Heâd always suspected that Sam thought of his homosexuality itself as a form of sloth, something that put him in the disappointing category of people without a work ethic. And nowâany cachet heâd had, any way heâd been ennobled by the prospect of rescuing the children, had vanished.
His father closed his eyes, and when he opened them again he said, âAt least in Massachusetts the kids would be closer to us.â
Lydia looked at him sharply, and he shrugged. âLook,â he said, âwe might have to be realistic about this.â He looked steadily at her as her eyes widened with incredulity and outrage, her mascara thickened with tears. âHoney, weâre in third place,â he said. âFor whatever reason, Joel and Ilana clearly wanted Daniel to take the kids, and the state is going to lean toward keeping them here, with their other grandparents.â
âThatâs out of the question,â Lydia said. âMalka is mentally disturbed, she canât even keep her house clean. And how old are they? They must be in their seventies!â
Sam shrugged again and gestured toward Daniel, as if to suggest that he was a better option, and Lydiaâs face, rigid with shock and rage, crumpled. âItâs as though he were killed all over again,â she cried.
âMother, would you stop saying that?â
âHow are you going to raise these children!â she demanded. âAnd with whom? With Matt ?â She gave an ugly laugh.
And then, when Daniel couldnât stand it for one more moment, Matt walked into the room, red-cheeked, bringing in with him the bracing chill of the night wind. âHowâs it going?â he asked.
Daniel looked up. Matt looked like a miracle, handsome and tousled. Daniel wanted to fling himself into his arms. But instead, he
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