Alien Coffee by John H. Carroll Page B

She was very proud of herself for
saying that much instead of fainting considering how lightheaded
she felt.
    “That didn’t even translate a little bit. Was
that the apology?” it asked. It had a single, ridged eyebrow above
all three eyes. “Tell you what, you make me a fresh cup of coffee
and maybe I’ll forgive you.”
    “Coffee?” Jillian asked incredulously.
Realization dawned and she took a few angry steps down the
staircase, momentarily forgetting that she was speaking to an
alien. “Wait a minute, you’re the one stealing my coffee?” She
snapped her fingers. “I knew I wasn’t going crazy!” Jillian looked
at the alien staring at her from the bottom of the steps and
changed her mind about the crazy part. “Then again . . . maybe it’s
worse than I thought.”
    “Oh, you’re not crazy.” The alien rubbed its
chin with the right hand. “You are in a lot of trouble
though.” It stopped rubbing the chin and waggled a suction cup
finger at her. “You aren’t supposed to see me. This is really
bad.”
    Jillian became irritated. “I’m in trouble?
You break into my house, steal my coffee when I’m not looking,
complain about me knocking you down the stairs when I can’t see you
because you’re invisible,” she gasped in a breath, “and then you
tell me I’m in trouble ? You’ve got a lot of nerve!”
    It folded its front arms and kneaded its head
with the third. “Hmm . . . The door wasn’t locked so I didn’t
technically break in.” Jillian’s only response was to hold her arms
out to her sides in disbelief. The alien looked around and then
back at her. “Let’s not argue about the details. Make us some
coffee and we’ll figure out how to get you out of this mess.”
    “I’m not making anything,” Jillian stated
firmly. She pointed at the door. “Get out of my house and don’t
ever come back.”
    “Dude! I need coffee!” The alien blurted
desperately. It began pushing and pulling against its face with the
fingers of the left hand. Each time they would make a little
sucking noise. Its right hand gripped the stair rail tightly. “I
need coffee real bad .”
    It was acting like an addict looking for the
next fix. “You’re starting to scare me,” Jillian told it. As the
words came out of her mouth, she realized she was far beyond
scared.
    “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” it said, holding out
both front hands to reassure her. “Listen, you can call me Sclurp.
That’s about as close to my name as your language can get.” It took
a few steps into the living room and looked around. “You’ve got a
really nice place.”
    “Gee thanks . . . Sclurp. I’d still like you
to leave and never come back.” Jillian pointed to the door again.
“Please go.”
    “Listen . . . I’m an amazing kisser and I’m
good at other things too. I’m male if that matters, and your
husband doesn’t have to know.” Sclurp waggled his fuzzy eyebrow.
“Just make me some coffee and I’ll show you.” He made kissing
sounds with his lips.
    “Eww! Go away!” Jillian’s voice broke in fear
as she looked around for something to throw. The only thing within
reach on one of the steps was the cat’s little plastic ball with
jingly bells in it. She picked it up and heaved it at the alien.
The bells made a tiny dinging sound as it bounced off the round
head.
    “Really?” he responded flatly. “That’s what
you’re going to throw at me, a little jingly ball? Wow. I better
leave before you hit me with something deadly . . . like a
feather.” He crossed his front arms again. “Seriously, I need a fix
real bad. Make me some coffee and I’ll go away. Dude, you can trust
me.”
    “Would you quit calling me dude?!” Jillian
really didn’t know what to do. She debated calling Raymond, but was
afraid the alien would zap her if she moved toward the phone. The
fact that it offered to kiss her was really freaking her out.
Sclurp was about six feet tall, skinny and not at all attractive,
let alone the