we sent the stupid bitch home and used the work-experience girl, can you believe it?!’ – I watched Fiona out of the corner of my eye, fascinated. Her make-up was
absolutely
flawless. So was her skin. And her hair; there wasn’t a single hair out of place. And no roots either; just a head of perfect, shiny, Gwyneth Paltrow-like blondeness. Fiona’s hard work was admirable, but there was something a little bit creepy about it, too. Like she was a Real-Life Doll who seduced people’s boyfriends and then killed innocent civilians en route to her murdering said boyfriends after dark.
Still, it was impressive. I finger-stroked my running-late, semi-blow-dried waves and vowed to put more effort into my appearance. Again. I seemed to make the promise every second day.
‘Hannah, where did you work before
Gloss
?’ Fiona cocked her head to one side and squinted her eyes as though she already didn’t believe my answer.
‘Um, Colourblock Advertising.’
‘And what made you want to be a beauty editor?’
Was this a job interview?
‘Um, well, I guess, you know, I studied journalism at university, and I kind of always wanted to work in magazines, and, well, actually, I kind of fell into it, to be honest. I don’t know that I did want to become one.’ It was the truth. I’d never wanted to be a beauty editor because I’d never even known they existed.
Fiona frowned. ‘Really? Isn’t that
interesting
.’
‘I didn’t know what they were either. Sounds like a bloody made-up job if you ask me,’ Yasmin piped up.
I laughed. ‘I know. Who’d believe we get paid to eat canapés and test lip gloss!’
‘Well, it’s a bit more than
that
,’ Fiona said, her voice tinged with righteousness.
‘She’s right,’ said Yasmin with an earnest look, pursing her lips and nodding. ‘We test mascara too.’ Yasmin grinned at me and took another gulp of her coffee.
Olivia, the PR, had walked onto a small white platform and was nodding manically at a tech guy sitting to the side of the stage with a laptop. He snapped into action and a giant welcome sign lit up the screen behind her. She switched her microphone on to begin, and looked around to see if we’d noticed and would eventually shut up.
‘Good morning, ladies. Thank you so much for your time today, we appreciate how busy you all are, so we’re really delighted you could all make it.’ She was smiling, but her hands were shaking. ‘As you may have guessed, today we’re here for a very special reason, and what will be a very important launch for us this year, so we hope you’ll all love it so much you’ll feel inspired to include it in your pages!’
‘She should be more passive-aggressive about us giving it editorial,’ smirked Fiona.
I laughed along with her, because that’s what you do when there’s a clear ringleader: you laugh at their jokes.
‘A first-to-market product, the new Rewind serum uses papain, an extract from papaya that works as an enzyme on the skin to dislodge dead skin cells and let the fresh new ones shine through, and is the natural alternative to Alpha Hydroxy Acids (AHAs), which can be too harsh for some people’s skin…’
‘Oh, come
on
, as if we’ve never heard of papain.’ Fiona rolled her eyes.
‘Shut up, Miss Know It All. I’ve never heard of it,’ Yasmin hissed.
‘…and of course, our patented antioxidant elixir, which contains eight of the most potent antioxidants available in skincare today, which, where possible, are cold-pressed for greater effectiveness.’
Sold.
I’ll take two.
‘I want to wear it
now
,’ said Yasmin, clenching her fingers in a gimme-gimme motion. ‘Love their shit. Fuckin’ love it. Their eye cream with the cooling stuff in it? Best eye cream ever.’
‘Rewind is pretty good actually,’ agreed Fiona. ‘One of the few brands who actually deliver half the promises they churn out.’
‘I could never have afforded it in the real world,’ I said.
‘Honey, we’d all be
absolutely
flawless. So was her skin. And her hair; there wasn’t a single hair out of place. And no roots either; just a head of perfect, shiny, Gwyneth Paltrow-like blondeness. Fiona’s hard work was admirable, but there was something a little bit creepy about it, too. Like she was a Real-Life Doll who seduced people’s boyfriends and then killed innocent civilians en route to her murdering said boyfriends after dark.
Still, it was impressive. I finger-stroked my running-late, semi-blow-dried waves and vowed to put more effort into my appearance. Again. I seemed to make the promise every second day.
‘Hannah, where did you work before
Gloss
?’ Fiona cocked her head to one side and squinted her eyes as though she already didn’t believe my answer.
‘Um, Colourblock Advertising.’
‘And what made you want to be a beauty editor?’
Was this a job interview?
‘Um, well, I guess, you know, I studied journalism at university, and I kind of always wanted to work in magazines, and, well, actually, I kind of fell into it, to be honest. I don’t know that I did want to become one.’ It was the truth. I’d never wanted to be a beauty editor because I’d never even known they existed.
Fiona frowned. ‘Really? Isn’t that
interesting
.’
‘I didn’t know what they were either. Sounds like a bloody made-up job if you ask me,’ Yasmin piped up.
I laughed. ‘I know. Who’d believe we get paid to eat canapés and test lip gloss!’
‘Well, it’s a bit more than
that
,’ Fiona said, her voice tinged with righteousness.
‘She’s right,’ said Yasmin with an earnest look, pursing her lips and nodding. ‘We test mascara too.’ Yasmin grinned at me and took another gulp of her coffee.
Olivia, the PR, had walked onto a small white platform and was nodding manically at a tech guy sitting to the side of the stage with a laptop. He snapped into action and a giant welcome sign lit up the screen behind her. She switched her microphone on to begin, and looked around to see if we’d noticed and would eventually shut up.
‘Good morning, ladies. Thank you so much for your time today, we appreciate how busy you all are, so we’re really delighted you could all make it.’ She was smiling, but her hands were shaking. ‘As you may have guessed, today we’re here for a very special reason, and what will be a very important launch for us this year, so we hope you’ll all love it so much you’ll feel inspired to include it in your pages!’
‘She should be more passive-aggressive about us giving it editorial,’ smirked Fiona.
I laughed along with her, because that’s what you do when there’s a clear ringleader: you laugh at their jokes.
‘A first-to-market product, the new Rewind serum uses papain, an extract from papaya that works as an enzyme on the skin to dislodge dead skin cells and let the fresh new ones shine through, and is the natural alternative to Alpha Hydroxy Acids (AHAs), which can be too harsh for some people’s skin…’
‘Oh, come
on
, as if we’ve never heard of papain.’ Fiona rolled her eyes.
‘Shut up, Miss Know It All. I’ve never heard of it,’ Yasmin hissed.
‘…and of course, our patented antioxidant elixir, which contains eight of the most potent antioxidants available in skincare today, which, where possible, are cold-pressed for greater effectiveness.’
Sold.
I’ll take two.
‘I want to wear it
now
,’ said Yasmin, clenching her fingers in a gimme-gimme motion. ‘Love their shit. Fuckin’ love it. Their eye cream with the cooling stuff in it? Best eye cream ever.’
‘Rewind is pretty good actually,’ agreed Fiona. ‘One of the few brands who actually deliver half the promises they churn out.’
‘I could never have afforded it in the real world,’ I said.
‘Honey, we’d all be
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