before he left, and I know he's probably hurting just like you are. You just hold on a little longer. It won't be too much longer now. He'll come around.”
I smiled as tears streamed down my face and my heart was again infused with renewed hope. “I pretty much live off your faith, you know.”
She chuckled and smiled. “I know, honey. I know.”
Heartache is a detriment to the soul.
Seventeen
I t was Caroline's faith that got me through the next couple of days. Whenever I began to feel down, I would just think of Hayden's phone call and Caroline's positive words, and I was instantly lifted. When I did that, I was able to make it from one hour to the next, one minute to the next.
But three days after Hayden's call, I was again restless and no memories or thoughts could console me. I now missed him so much, the pain threatened to completely overwhelm me.
That afternoon I decided I needed to go for a drive and get out for a while. I didn't really know where I would go, but I needed to go somewhere. Anywhere. I just needed a break, a break from missing Hayden, if that was possible.
Caroline had gone out earlier that morning and wasn't back yet. Not wanting her to worry, I left a note on the kitchen table. It only said I was going out for a while.
While everything inside me wanted to revisit the places Hayden and I spent so much time, I decided to do other things. There really wasn't much to do that we hadn't done already, so I decided to see a movie. In fact, I ended up watching two, back to back. The first was a comedy, the second, a bittersweet love story, which I promptly kicked myself afterward for choosing.
After the second movie–I figured I had better stop at two–I decided to grab something to eat at a fast food place, purposely avoiding the vicinity of Red Lobster .
It was a completely relaxing day. I was in no hurry to get anywhere because there was no one for me to go back to. That fact only served to renew the lonely ache I carried inside.
Later that afternoon, I spent an hour wandering around a department store. I didn't buy anything. I found no joy in shopping alone anymore.
I spent the last part of the day sitting on a bench at a community park, watching laughing children playing on the swings and monkey bars. This activity was a huge mistake, because as soon as I sat down, my thoughts immediately drifted to the talks Hayden and I had about children. We had spent many moments daydreaming together about the children we wanted to have and what they would look like.
I closed my eyes and thought about the first time we discussed children. Well, it really wasn't a discussion. Hayden had pressed one of his large, gentle hands against my stomach and said, “I can't wait until my babies are growing inside you.” Just thinking about the way he'd said it and the warmth in his eyes brought a warm longing even now.
“Oh, Hayden,” I whispered. “I miss you so much. And I need you so badly it hurts.” I looked up at the blue clear sky, wrapped my arms around my middle, and groaned painfully. I'm going out of my mind, Hayden!
I brushed away the sudden tears that came and took my keys from my pocket, my eyes catching the faint sunlit shimmer of Hayden's extra house key hanging from the ring with my car keys. He had given me the key the day he revealed his feelings for me in the stable.
I separated the key from the others and held it up. I sat for a moment staring at it and pondered all it represented. Suddenly feeling the need to feel as close to Hayden as I could, I quickly went to my vehicle and headed for the ranch.
By the time I reached the ranch, the sun had gone down. I found Caroline and David relaxing in the living room. She was knitting and he was reading the paper.
“Sorry I was gone so long.”
“That's all right,” Caroline said, putting her knitting
I smiled as tears streamed down my face and my heart was again infused with renewed hope. “I pretty much live off your faith, you know.”
She chuckled and smiled. “I know, honey. I know.”
Heartache is a detriment to the soul.
Seventeen
I t was Caroline's faith that got me through the next couple of days. Whenever I began to feel down, I would just think of Hayden's phone call and Caroline's positive words, and I was instantly lifted. When I did that, I was able to make it from one hour to the next, one minute to the next.
But three days after Hayden's call, I was again restless and no memories or thoughts could console me. I now missed him so much, the pain threatened to completely overwhelm me.
That afternoon I decided I needed to go for a drive and get out for a while. I didn't really know where I would go, but I needed to go somewhere. Anywhere. I just needed a break, a break from missing Hayden, if that was possible.
Caroline had gone out earlier that morning and wasn't back yet. Not wanting her to worry, I left a note on the kitchen table. It only said I was going out for a while.
While everything inside me wanted to revisit the places Hayden and I spent so much time, I decided to do other things. There really wasn't much to do that we hadn't done already, so I decided to see a movie. In fact, I ended up watching two, back to back. The first was a comedy, the second, a bittersweet love story, which I promptly kicked myself afterward for choosing.
After the second movie–I figured I had better stop at two–I decided to grab something to eat at a fast food place, purposely avoiding the vicinity of Red Lobster .
It was a completely relaxing day. I was in no hurry to get anywhere because there was no one for me to go back to. That fact only served to renew the lonely ache I carried inside.
Later that afternoon, I spent an hour wandering around a department store. I didn't buy anything. I found no joy in shopping alone anymore.
I spent the last part of the day sitting on a bench at a community park, watching laughing children playing on the swings and monkey bars. This activity was a huge mistake, because as soon as I sat down, my thoughts immediately drifted to the talks Hayden and I had about children. We had spent many moments daydreaming together about the children we wanted to have and what they would look like.
I closed my eyes and thought about the first time we discussed children. Well, it really wasn't a discussion. Hayden had pressed one of his large, gentle hands against my stomach and said, “I can't wait until my babies are growing inside you.” Just thinking about the way he'd said it and the warmth in his eyes brought a warm longing even now.
“Oh, Hayden,” I whispered. “I miss you so much. And I need you so badly it hurts.” I looked up at the blue clear sky, wrapped my arms around my middle, and groaned painfully. I'm going out of my mind, Hayden!
I brushed away the sudden tears that came and took my keys from my pocket, my eyes catching the faint sunlit shimmer of Hayden's extra house key hanging from the ring with my car keys. He had given me the key the day he revealed his feelings for me in the stable.
I separated the key from the others and held it up. I sat for a moment staring at it and pondered all it represented. Suddenly feeling the need to feel as close to Hayden as I could, I quickly went to my vehicle and headed for the ranch.
By the time I reached the ranch, the sun had gone down. I found Caroline and David relaxing in the living room. She was knitting and he was reading the paper.
“Sorry I was gone so long.”
“That's all right,” Caroline said, putting her knitting
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