it. It’s only natural that I’d pursue an out lifestyle.”
Ian took a sip of water, waiting for the words he knew Aaron would say.
“With all the rest of the garbage my brother and I are working through, hiding who I’m with just seems like more work that it’s worth.”
“I’m not worth it?” Ian asked suddenly. He hadn’t planned on speaking.
“Are we in a relationship, Ian?”
“I think we were building one, don’t you?”
“I wanted to. I’d like to. You’re the kind of guy I could see being with years from now.”
“Why is that, do you suppose?” Ian asked trying to hide the sting he felt.
“I could depend on you,” Aaron answered.
Ian nodded. “I’d never let you down.”
“You wouldn’t mean to, but it would happen,” Aaron stated dryly. “We wouldn’t be seen in public together, for example.” Aaron got up to sit closer to Ian. “I don’t want to be the person you’re afraid to be seen with.”
Ian reached for him, stroking his cheek. “You’re braver than I am in a lot of ways. If you give me time, I can get there with you.”
“That’s what I’m doing. I’m giving you time.”
“How, exactly?”
“Put us on hold. We each have demons to work out. Maybe after the school year, we can see where we stand.”
“No,” Ian shook his head as he spoke. “I’m not interested in working out our demons alone. I’m not leaving you when you still need the support.”
“But you’ll leave me after?” Aaron asked.
“That’s not what I meant.”
“I know.” Aaron closed his eyes and leaned into Ian’s palm. “I actually do know that.”
Ian’s chest ached. He gaze traveled over each glossy brown curl, along the twin crescents Aaron’s eyelashes made on his cheeks. He allowed himself the pleasure of wishing he could kiss those soft, sweet lips again.
A quiet voice asked him why he didn’t do it anyway. It was all the prompting Ian needed. He leaned in, brushing his mouth across Aaron’s. The other man sighed, a hot breathy kiss in its own right, teasing his senses to take more, be more.
He’d missed this. If it was his last opportunity, he wanted it to be perfect.
“I’m in love with you,” Ian whispered against Aaron’s lips.
Again, words he hadn’t meant to say leaped from him. They hung in the air, unable to be retracted. He opened his eyes to see Aaron looking at him. His pale brown eyes seemed so sad.
“You have no idea how many times I wished you’d say that to me,” Aaron mused.
“Does saying them now count?”
Aaron cupped Ian’s face. He pressed their foreheads together. “I’m not going back in the closet for anyone. But I get it. I know it’s hard to come out and hope that you can carry on with your life the way you’d planned. Plans change and sometimes changes aren’t so bad.”
“I had no intention of falling for you. This change of plans hurts like hell.”
Aaron kissed him, pulled him in and stole his breath. Aaron’s lips parted, and Ian’s tongue swept inside. He didn’t remember pushing Aaron back, but one minute they were sitting, the next, he’d pinned the younger man on the couch, and Aaron’s arms were around him.
They rolled and hit the floor, knocking the coffee table with a hip and an indignant rattle of glasses on its surface.
Need swamped him. Aaron’s hands moved under Ian’s shirt. Ian shifted his hips and groaned roughly when he felt the evidence of the younger man’s arousal. Ian pulled off Aaron’s shirt, his hands touching him everywhere their bodies weren’t already pressed together.
Aaron broke the kiss first. “We can’t.”
“You want me, too.”
Aaron smiled sadly. “You’ve been such an important part of our lives lately and I don’t want to confuse gratitude with what’s good for me and Mike. Thank you, for all you’ve done to get us this far. Thank you, but I want more than a fuck on my living room floor, Ian. I want more than a consoling hand job. I want something you’re not ready to give me.”
“We
Ian took a sip of water, waiting for the words he knew Aaron would say.
“With all the rest of the garbage my brother and I are working through, hiding who I’m with just seems like more work that it’s worth.”
“I’m not worth it?” Ian asked suddenly. He hadn’t planned on speaking.
“Are we in a relationship, Ian?”
“I think we were building one, don’t you?”
“I wanted to. I’d like to. You’re the kind of guy I could see being with years from now.”
“Why is that, do you suppose?” Ian asked trying to hide the sting he felt.
“I could depend on you,” Aaron answered.
Ian nodded. “I’d never let you down.”
“You wouldn’t mean to, but it would happen,” Aaron stated dryly. “We wouldn’t be seen in public together, for example.” Aaron got up to sit closer to Ian. “I don’t want to be the person you’re afraid to be seen with.”
Ian reached for him, stroking his cheek. “You’re braver than I am in a lot of ways. If you give me time, I can get there with you.”
“That’s what I’m doing. I’m giving you time.”
“How, exactly?”
“Put us on hold. We each have demons to work out. Maybe after the school year, we can see where we stand.”
“No,” Ian shook his head as he spoke. “I’m not interested in working out our demons alone. I’m not leaving you when you still need the support.”
“But you’ll leave me after?” Aaron asked.
“That’s not what I meant.”
“I know.” Aaron closed his eyes and leaned into Ian’s palm. “I actually do know that.”
Ian’s chest ached. He gaze traveled over each glossy brown curl, along the twin crescents Aaron’s eyelashes made on his cheeks. He allowed himself the pleasure of wishing he could kiss those soft, sweet lips again.
A quiet voice asked him why he didn’t do it anyway. It was all the prompting Ian needed. He leaned in, brushing his mouth across Aaron’s. The other man sighed, a hot breathy kiss in its own right, teasing his senses to take more, be more.
He’d missed this. If it was his last opportunity, he wanted it to be perfect.
“I’m in love with you,” Ian whispered against Aaron’s lips.
Again, words he hadn’t meant to say leaped from him. They hung in the air, unable to be retracted. He opened his eyes to see Aaron looking at him. His pale brown eyes seemed so sad.
“You have no idea how many times I wished you’d say that to me,” Aaron mused.
“Does saying them now count?”
Aaron cupped Ian’s face. He pressed their foreheads together. “I’m not going back in the closet for anyone. But I get it. I know it’s hard to come out and hope that you can carry on with your life the way you’d planned. Plans change and sometimes changes aren’t so bad.”
“I had no intention of falling for you. This change of plans hurts like hell.”
Aaron kissed him, pulled him in and stole his breath. Aaron’s lips parted, and Ian’s tongue swept inside. He didn’t remember pushing Aaron back, but one minute they were sitting, the next, he’d pinned the younger man on the couch, and Aaron’s arms were around him.
They rolled and hit the floor, knocking the coffee table with a hip and an indignant rattle of glasses on its surface.
Need swamped him. Aaron’s hands moved under Ian’s shirt. Ian shifted his hips and groaned roughly when he felt the evidence of the younger man’s arousal. Ian pulled off Aaron’s shirt, his hands touching him everywhere their bodies weren’t already pressed together.
Aaron broke the kiss first. “We can’t.”
“You want me, too.”
Aaron smiled sadly. “You’ve been such an important part of our lives lately and I don’t want to confuse gratitude with what’s good for me and Mike. Thank you, for all you’ve done to get us this far. Thank you, but I want more than a fuck on my living room floor, Ian. I want more than a consoling hand job. I want something you’re not ready to give me.”
“We
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