all. It had to be done.
Later Sabina got smarter. She hoofed it far, for a long time. She was madly in love. But the guy got bored with her after a few months. He took her to her parents, then travelled west alone. Then it was another “fiancé.” And another, and the next. They all went away. Why? Sabina didn’t have a clue. Did she regret it? Did she miss them? Did she cry? Always.
Finally, she found Janusz. Older then her, serious, with a good job. Maybe not rich, but with prospects. He was an orphan. His parents had died when he was twelve. Kind-hearted soul! She didn’t love him. But she liked him, and she loved the way he adored her—in such an old-fashioned style. He was supposed to have been a little change of pace between other affairs.
Sabina’s parents quickly organised a wedding. Janusz probably wouldn’t have been so willing to get married, if not for their pressure. Sabina had always suspected that, upon seeing a reasonable candidate, her mother would somehow force him to marry her. Her father probably insisted on it, too. They wanted to get rid of her, they wanted him to lift the burden off their shoulders. “I will give my daughter into good hands.” Sabina didn’t resent them. She understood.
They got married at the Registrar’s Office. Then they had a modest party in the flat. Janusz moved in and they lived with Sabina’s parents. Sabina hoped it would be all right. Not much space, but a nice atmosphere. Boring, reliable Janusz. Hanka’s birth. Nothing special.
Sabina has often dreamed about her parents. Such a tried-and-tested tear-jerker, about mom coming closer through a field of rye and cornflowers. She and Sabina had never been there together, but Sabina knew that the dream wasn’t lying. Mum would move just like that! Her father, with his arms full of packages, stood on the rough grass that separated two fields.
“This is all for you,” he smiled to Sabina.
This dream—she had it again when she went to bed angry with Janusz over the whole vaccination thing. She woke up in the middle of it, just at the point when she was opening the first package. The paper rustled promisingly and it sparkled. Suddenly everything disappeared. Beside her, Janusz snored. She sighed and looked at the clock. Twelve minutes past one. She wouldn’t fall asleep again.
She got up and went to the kitchen, sat down with a sigh. In the dark, the tiny ember of her cigarette gave just enough light. She reached for the leftovers from the tea. She didn’t feel like drinking vodka.
Sabina’s parents had died in an accident not long before Hanka’s birth. If they had lived, probably everything would have gone differently. Sabina would have had someone to visit or to talk to. Mum would have reminded her how to mould Silesian potato dumplings. How to prepare leavening for the borscht. She would have helped with the children, Sabina would have had some time to herself. Dad would probably have given her some money for the hairdresser or the beautician. On grandchildren he was strict, but she could always count on him. Maybe he would have contributed to the purchase of a used car? Sabina could correct everything, or simply start from scratch. Everything had gone wrong.
The following day, Sabina decided to go to the damn clinic. First thing in the morning. For peace and quiet. She wasn’t afraid of Janusz at all. She simply wanted him to give her a break, focus on his own stuff. Get lost. Give up the performance.
“Get dressed. I’ll walk to school with you and then I’ll go to the doctor’s with Bartek,” she said to Hanka, starting to dress Bartek in overalls. It was November. A cold one, almost frosty. Whether he liked it or not she had to put some clothes on him.
Sabina carried the pram down and pushed open the icy door of the staircase. She had the feeling that if she touched the metal surface of the door with her tongue, it would freeze there. Outside, it smelled of a winter. Her breath condensed,
Later Sabina got smarter. She hoofed it far, for a long time. She was madly in love. But the guy got bored with her after a few months. He took her to her parents, then travelled west alone. Then it was another “fiancé.” And another, and the next. They all went away. Why? Sabina didn’t have a clue. Did she regret it? Did she miss them? Did she cry? Always.
Finally, she found Janusz. Older then her, serious, with a good job. Maybe not rich, but with prospects. He was an orphan. His parents had died when he was twelve. Kind-hearted soul! She didn’t love him. But she liked him, and she loved the way he adored her—in such an old-fashioned style. He was supposed to have been a little change of pace between other affairs.
Sabina’s parents quickly organised a wedding. Janusz probably wouldn’t have been so willing to get married, if not for their pressure. Sabina had always suspected that, upon seeing a reasonable candidate, her mother would somehow force him to marry her. Her father probably insisted on it, too. They wanted to get rid of her, they wanted him to lift the burden off their shoulders. “I will give my daughter into good hands.” Sabina didn’t resent them. She understood.
They got married at the Registrar’s Office. Then they had a modest party in the flat. Janusz moved in and they lived with Sabina’s parents. Sabina hoped it would be all right. Not much space, but a nice atmosphere. Boring, reliable Janusz. Hanka’s birth. Nothing special.
Sabina has often dreamed about her parents. Such a tried-and-tested tear-jerker, about mom coming closer through a field of rye and cornflowers. She and Sabina had never been there together, but Sabina knew that the dream wasn’t lying. Mum would move just like that! Her father, with his arms full of packages, stood on the rough grass that separated two fields.
“This is all for you,” he smiled to Sabina.
This dream—she had it again when she went to bed angry with Janusz over the whole vaccination thing. She woke up in the middle of it, just at the point when she was opening the first package. The paper rustled promisingly and it sparkled. Suddenly everything disappeared. Beside her, Janusz snored. She sighed and looked at the clock. Twelve minutes past one. She wouldn’t fall asleep again.
She got up and went to the kitchen, sat down with a sigh. In the dark, the tiny ember of her cigarette gave just enough light. She reached for the leftovers from the tea. She didn’t feel like drinking vodka.
Sabina’s parents had died in an accident not long before Hanka’s birth. If they had lived, probably everything would have gone differently. Sabina would have had someone to visit or to talk to. Mum would have reminded her how to mould Silesian potato dumplings. How to prepare leavening for the borscht. She would have helped with the children, Sabina would have had some time to herself. Dad would probably have given her some money for the hairdresser or the beautician. On grandchildren he was strict, but she could always count on him. Maybe he would have contributed to the purchase of a used car? Sabina could correct everything, or simply start from scratch. Everything had gone wrong.
The following day, Sabina decided to go to the damn clinic. First thing in the morning. For peace and quiet. She wasn’t afraid of Janusz at all. She simply wanted him to give her a break, focus on his own stuff. Get lost. Give up the performance.
“Get dressed. I’ll walk to school with you and then I’ll go to the doctor’s with Bartek,” she said to Hanka, starting to dress Bartek in overalls. It was November. A cold one, almost frosty. Whether he liked it or not she had to put some clothes on him.
Sabina carried the pram down and pushed open the icy door of the staircase. She had the feeling that if she touched the metal surface of the door with her tongue, it would freeze there. Outside, it smelled of a winter. Her breath condensed,
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