Absence of Faith by Anthony S. Policastro Page A

morning."
    "Oh, stop. I'll be ok," she said,
standing up with the help of the three men.
    She sat back on the wicker chair,
and put her head back. A tiny, elderly woman ploughed her way
through the crowd carrying a cold, wet towel and a glass of ice
water.
    "Here, drink this and put this
towel on your forehead," the older woman said. "I saw you fall off
your chair. Scared the heck out of me."
    "Thank you. I'll be fine, Mrs.
Hansen," Linda said taking the glass and towel.
    Linda and Carson left a few minutes
later. The late summer sun dipped down behind the house, and the
comfortable breeze turned into a chilly wind that swept off the
ocean. The pleasant evening turned gray, then blackened into a cool
summer night - a sign that the summer was giving way to
fall.
    Gary and Julie left when the chill
arrived in the air.
    "You look relieved to leave," Gary
said as he fired up the engine in his two-seat Honda.
    "Yes and no. I don't feel very
well, and I caught a chill there," Julie said.
    "You, too? Well, the doctor is in
and I have the perfect remedy for you," Gary said.
    "Not tonight, Gary. I'm sorry, but
I just don't feel right. I have my period and I just want to go
home."
    "Oh."
    "Poor Linda. How embarrassing to
black out like that," Julie said.
    "I don't think it was embarrassing.
It just happened. What can you do," Gary said.
    They drove the rest of the way in
silence, and when they arrived at her house, he walked Julie to her
apartment door.
    "I'm sorry, Gary. I just don't feel
up to it."
    "It's okay. I'll call you tomorrow.
We can go to the beach," Gary said.
    "That would be nice," she said.
"Good night."
    "Good night. I love you," he
said.
    "I love you, too," she replied and
disappeared into her apartment.
    Gary got into his car and drove to
a dark section of the beach. The darkness suited his mood. He got
out, and stared at the breakers - only their white foam was visible
in the dim moonlight. He wondered if he had made a mistake with
Julie. There was something about her that gnawed at him. It came
and went like a mood, a bad mood. He couldn't quite pinpoint it in
his mind, but he was troubled just the same. It wasn't because she
had refused him - he had grown accustomed to her rejections. He had
even done it himself after working a 16-hour shift in the OR and
the only thing that he wanted was to sleep. Maybe, what bothered
him was her attitude, but he liked her cockiness - it reminded him
of how he would like to be. It was her aggressiveness that
convinced him to apply to Riverdale, and he has been indebted to
her ever since. She made his life better, he thought, because
without her, he would still be at Ocean Village Hospital making
almost half as much as he earned now.
    Most times during their goodbyes,
he would advance and kiss her, and it was as if she wasn't there.
Tonight, he wanted to see if she would approach him and she didn't.
It bothered him not because she didn't kiss him, but because her
actions were telling him something he didn't want to hear,
something he feared most - that he loved her, but she didn't love
him. He looked up at the crescent moon with its companion, Venus,
and thought he could be wrong. Venus was the Roman goddess of love
and beauty. It was a sign that maybe he was wrong. But if his inner
voices were right, he knew he was trapped - addicted to her like a
drug addict. He walked back to his car and drove home.
    * * *
    Julie went into her small kitchen
and made herself a cup of green tea. She sat down at the round
table in the corner and drank it down quickly. Then she changed
into jeans and a sweatshirt and drove to the Ocean Village
Sentinel. The building was dark except for several brightly lit
"EXIT" signs near the doorways. The light guided her down a short
hallway, which led to a large room filled with cubicles, computers
and the stale smell of Friday's micro waved lunches. She walked
over to her desk by the window and turned on her desk lamp. She
pulled the shade down, and moved the