hate her,’ she said aloud to the quiet kitchen. It was some kind of relief to say the words. ‘The little cow is going to be truly sorry.’
She knew that Patrick was equally to blame but he could be dealt withlater. Suddenly Selina remembered a line from some film or play she’d once seen. The wife had said sweetly to her husband, ‘Don’t torture yourself, darling. That’s
my
job.’ She laughed suddenly, good humour almost restored. Somehow she found the thought a comforting one.
‘She knows,’ said Mary. ‘Of course I realise that. But if you deny it what can she do?’
‘God knows.’ Patrick spoke quietly, not wanting to wake Stuart. ‘But at least we’ll get our weekend.’
‘It’s so risky.’ Her small face was drawn and tired. ‘Honestly, Pat, I’m a bit worried to tell you the truth. I’m not sure we should take the risk.’
‘It’ll be OK,’ he insisted. He couldn’t bear to forgo the weekend. He’d lived on the expectation of it for weeks; it was almost the only thing sustaining him. ‘Why are you worried now? Nothing’s changed.’
‘Oh, yes it has. I’ve met her now.’ Mary shook her head. ‘She’s a formidable lady, Pat. She doesn’t look like she gives in easily and I’ve a lot to lose.’
‘Please, darling,’ he said urgently. ‘Please don’t give up. We want to be together, don’t we? Properly, I mean. Not just occasional evenings and a weekend here and there. I want to look after you both. I need you.’
‘I know.’ She shifted a little, turning away from him as much as the small sofa would allow. ‘It’s just that it seems so much more difficult than I first thought.’
‘You’re tired,’ he said tenderly. ‘You look frazzled to death. Leave it all to me. It’s just that I don’t want you hurt on the way through, so I have to be careful.’
‘I know.’ She hunched her shoulders, attempting to withdraw her hand, which he continued to hold tightly. ‘Only … Well, I’m not sure I’ve been thinking straight, Pat. It’s really good, you being around and … well, having a man in my life again. It’s almost like being on holiday. Something different and fun. But now I’ve met Selina it’s become real.’
‘I know,’ he said eagerly. ‘I know just what you mean. I felt exactly the same after the party. But that doesn’t mean we have to give up on it, Mary. It might mean a bit of a fight but isn’t it worth it?’
‘I’ve done fighting,’ she said flatly. ‘Been there, seen the film, bought the T-shirt. I’m tired of fighting.’
He stared at her, hurt and frightened. She looked away from him. His expression made her feel guilty and she could almost feel the weight of hislove settling lightly but irrevocably over her shoulders. She was very fond of him, and their brief moments of love, as well as the relief and comfort of physical passion, had been a tremendous boost during a drab, exhausting period in her life—but things were changing. She was in control again, working, earning money, independent…
Mary thought: Do I really want an insecure middle-aged man with family problems rotting up my life for me?
The thought made her feel ashamed. Patrick had been very kind to her and she’d been too grateful, too ready to try to repay his kindness. She’d believed him to be a man who’d been neglected by his wife and was looking for a little comfort. She’d gone along with him, dreaming their little dream, but not taking it too seriously and imagining that he was doing the same. The expression on his face showed her that she was wrong.
‘Look,’ she said gently. ‘Your wife looked like a lady who has no intention of being left. She’s not going to lie down quietly so that we can walk over her, off into the sunset. I can’t afford any mess or muddle, Pat, you know that. Stuart has to come first. He’s vulnerable and weak. He’s settling down really well at school and I think that it’s because he’s feeling secure for the
She knew that Patrick was equally to blame but he could be dealt withlater. Suddenly Selina remembered a line from some film or play she’d once seen. The wife had said sweetly to her husband, ‘Don’t torture yourself, darling. That’s
my
job.’ She laughed suddenly, good humour almost restored. Somehow she found the thought a comforting one.
‘She knows,’ said Mary. ‘Of course I realise that. But if you deny it what can she do?’
‘God knows.’ Patrick spoke quietly, not wanting to wake Stuart. ‘But at least we’ll get our weekend.’
‘It’s so risky.’ Her small face was drawn and tired. ‘Honestly, Pat, I’m a bit worried to tell you the truth. I’m not sure we should take the risk.’
‘It’ll be OK,’ he insisted. He couldn’t bear to forgo the weekend. He’d lived on the expectation of it for weeks; it was almost the only thing sustaining him. ‘Why are you worried now? Nothing’s changed.’
‘Oh, yes it has. I’ve met her now.’ Mary shook her head. ‘She’s a formidable lady, Pat. She doesn’t look like she gives in easily and I’ve a lot to lose.’
‘Please, darling,’ he said urgently. ‘Please don’t give up. We want to be together, don’t we? Properly, I mean. Not just occasional evenings and a weekend here and there. I want to look after you both. I need you.’
‘I know.’ She shifted a little, turning away from him as much as the small sofa would allow. ‘It’s just that it seems so much more difficult than I first thought.’
‘You’re tired,’ he said tenderly. ‘You look frazzled to death. Leave it all to me. It’s just that I don’t want you hurt on the way through, so I have to be careful.’
‘I know.’ She hunched her shoulders, attempting to withdraw her hand, which he continued to hold tightly. ‘Only … Well, I’m not sure I’ve been thinking straight, Pat. It’s really good, you being around and … well, having a man in my life again. It’s almost like being on holiday. Something different and fun. But now I’ve met Selina it’s become real.’
‘I know,’ he said eagerly. ‘I know just what you mean. I felt exactly the same after the party. But that doesn’t mean we have to give up on it, Mary. It might mean a bit of a fight but isn’t it worth it?’
‘I’ve done fighting,’ she said flatly. ‘Been there, seen the film, bought the T-shirt. I’m tired of fighting.’
He stared at her, hurt and frightened. She looked away from him. His expression made her feel guilty and she could almost feel the weight of hislove settling lightly but irrevocably over her shoulders. She was very fond of him, and their brief moments of love, as well as the relief and comfort of physical passion, had been a tremendous boost during a drab, exhausting period in her life—but things were changing. She was in control again, working, earning money, independent…
Mary thought: Do I really want an insecure middle-aged man with family problems rotting up my life for me?
The thought made her feel ashamed. Patrick had been very kind to her and she’d been too grateful, too ready to try to repay his kindness. She’d believed him to be a man who’d been neglected by his wife and was looking for a little comfort. She’d gone along with him, dreaming their little dream, but not taking it too seriously and imagining that he was doing the same. The expression on his face showed her that she was wrong.
‘Look,’ she said gently. ‘Your wife looked like a lady who has no intention of being left. She’s not going to lie down quietly so that we can walk over her, off into the sunset. I can’t afford any mess or muddle, Pat, you know that. Stuart has to come first. He’s vulnerable and weak. He’s settling down really well at school and I think that it’s because he’s feeling secure for the
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