A Treasury of Royal Scandals: The Shocking True Stories History's Wickedest Weirdest Most Wanton Kings Queens by Michael Farquhar Page B
Authors: Michael Farquhar
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enemy. Louis was hardly the prince young girls dream about. He was, quite frankly, a rude, pudgy, seemingly asexual loser, with filthy hygiene to boot. The Neopolitan ambassador remarked that the dauphin seemed to have been “born and raised in a forest,” while Madame Du Barry, mistress of his grandfather, Louis XV, called him a “fat, ill-bred boy.”
Young Louis had another problem, one shared by Catherine the Great’s husband, Peter III. He had phimosis. This, combined with his almost phobic shyness and his desperate fear of the surgery necessary to correct his deformity, made Louis less than a great lover. And Marie Antoinette a very lonely bride. Louis studiously avoided her and their marriage bed, leaving the poor girl all alone in the strange, debauched court of Louis XV at Versailles. Though they would eventually reach an accommodation after Louis inherited the French throne, the ill-fated couple would have little time to enjoy it. Their frivolous new lifestyle was disrupted by a pesky revolution that would claim both their heads.
6
A Marriage Made in Hell
A mong the legendary fiascoes that were so many royal marriages, few stand out as more discordant than the one between George IV of Britain and Caroline of Brunswick. This miserably mismatched pair made a royal sideshow out of a union that was doomed before it ever began. George, Prince of Wales at the time, already had a favorite mistress and a secret wife. But he had married the widow Mrs. Fitzherbert on the sly, without the king’s consent, which violated one law, plus she was Catholic, which violated another. Prince George was facing the prospect of losing his place at the head of the line for the throne.
Lured by the promise of having Parliament pay off his massive debts, George was persuaded to dump his illegal wife and marry his German cousin, Caroline. It was a steep price to pay for a clean credit report. Among other qualities, Caroline was a crude, foul-smelling exhibitionist with an enormous sexual appetite. Harris, Lord Malmesbury, the diplomat given the task of bringing Caroline from Brunswick to marry the prince, described her as having “no acquired morality, and no strong innate notions of its value and necessity”—a reputation she enjoyed all over Germany. She was short and stocky, described by Malmesbury as having “a head always too large for her body, and her neck too short.”
She also apparently shared the same royal malady—porphyria—that is thought to have driven her future father-in-law and uncle, George III, into babbling fits of insanity. While Prince George’s mother, Queen Charlotte, had serious reservations about Caroline’s suitability, his father was delighted. Demonstrating all the shrewd judgment he had earlier used in assessing the mood of the American colonists, George III roundly endorsed his niece. “Undoubtedly she is the person who naturally must be most agreeable to me,” he wrote Prime Minister William Pitt. “I expressed my approbation of the idea.”
The Prince of Wales was introduced to his betrothed for the first time on April 5, 1795. Malmesbury was there to relate the scene at St. James’s Palace. “He turned around, retired to a distant part of the apartment, and, calling me to him, said, ‘Harris, I am not well; pray get me a glass of brandy.’ ” Three days, and many brandies later, the happy couple were married. George spent the wedding night passed out drunk on the floor, with his mistress Lady Jersey in close attendance during the entire honeymoon.
Several weeks later, they were no longer living as man and wife, although Caroline did manage to get pregnant. Having satisfied the dual purposes of his marriage—siring a legitimate heir and settling his debts—George announced to Caroline a formal separation. “Our inclinations are not in our power,” he wrote her, “nor should either of us be held answerable to the other, because nature had not made us suitable to each
Young Louis had another problem, one shared by Catherine the Great’s husband, Peter III. He had phimosis. This, combined with his almost phobic shyness and his desperate fear of the surgery necessary to correct his deformity, made Louis less than a great lover. And Marie Antoinette a very lonely bride. Louis studiously avoided her and their marriage bed, leaving the poor girl all alone in the strange, debauched court of Louis XV at Versailles. Though they would eventually reach an accommodation after Louis inherited the French throne, the ill-fated couple would have little time to enjoy it. Their frivolous new lifestyle was disrupted by a pesky revolution that would claim both their heads.
6
A Marriage Made in Hell
A mong the legendary fiascoes that were so many royal marriages, few stand out as more discordant than the one between George IV of Britain and Caroline of Brunswick. This miserably mismatched pair made a royal sideshow out of a union that was doomed before it ever began. George, Prince of Wales at the time, already had a favorite mistress and a secret wife. But he had married the widow Mrs. Fitzherbert on the sly, without the king’s consent, which violated one law, plus she was Catholic, which violated another. Prince George was facing the prospect of losing his place at the head of the line for the throne.
Lured by the promise of having Parliament pay off his massive debts, George was persuaded to dump his illegal wife and marry his German cousin, Caroline. It was a steep price to pay for a clean credit report. Among other qualities, Caroline was a crude, foul-smelling exhibitionist with an enormous sexual appetite. Harris, Lord Malmesbury, the diplomat given the task of bringing Caroline from Brunswick to marry the prince, described her as having “no acquired morality, and no strong innate notions of its value and necessity”—a reputation she enjoyed all over Germany. She was short and stocky, described by Malmesbury as having “a head always too large for her body, and her neck too short.”
She also apparently shared the same royal malady—porphyria—that is thought to have driven her future father-in-law and uncle, George III, into babbling fits of insanity. While Prince George’s mother, Queen Charlotte, had serious reservations about Caroline’s suitability, his father was delighted. Demonstrating all the shrewd judgment he had earlier used in assessing the mood of the American colonists, George III roundly endorsed his niece. “Undoubtedly she is the person who naturally must be most agreeable to me,” he wrote Prime Minister William Pitt. “I expressed my approbation of the idea.”
The Prince of Wales was introduced to his betrothed for the first time on April 5, 1795. Malmesbury was there to relate the scene at St. James’s Palace. “He turned around, retired to a distant part of the apartment, and, calling me to him, said, ‘Harris, I am not well; pray get me a glass of brandy.’ ” Three days, and many brandies later, the happy couple were married. George spent the wedding night passed out drunk on the floor, with his mistress Lady Jersey in close attendance during the entire honeymoon.
Several weeks later, they were no longer living as man and wife, although Caroline did manage to get pregnant. Having satisfied the dual purposes of his marriage—siring a legitimate heir and settling his debts—George announced to Caroline a formal separation. “Our inclinations are not in our power,” he wrote her, “nor should either of us be held answerable to the other, because nature had not made us suitable to each
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