having you as my parents. All the plans that you have already chalked out for me—plans which are so very different from my own. And your habits. Your ‘conditioning,’ as you call it. I have been feeling crushed. Overwhelmed. In a state of shock. The Blackhalls gave me a very sheltered life. Sheltered, innocent and happy. I do not know much about the world even now, and your storming into my life has turned it completely and irreversibly upside down. After witnessing you”—I had to pause for a second as my throat tightened in disgust—“murdering the Northstones and ravaging them, all I could think to do was run. Run away and try to clear my head of the horrors and just… think . I have come to the conclusion that I will probably never understand you, in spite of the explanations that you give. Perhaps because I have never and could never even conceive of seeing my own compatriots as food, there will always be a big gap between us. But… as I went away to think, and think, and think, I realized that in spite of all this… there still remains something in my life that I should be grateful for. That I have a family. That they are not dead. That they love and care about me.”
My stomach churned. I felt sickened by my words—by just how much they were the exact opposite of what I was feeling—but I did my best to insert as much emotion into my performance as possible. Sendira had to believe me. She had to. This harebrained scheme of mine was my last resort. It had to work, which meant that she had to trust me.
In spite of my perhaps unconvincing performance, it appeared that her natural motherly affection for me overpowered any flaws on my part. Her eyes becoming rheumy, her lips trembled slightly, as if she were fighting to suppress a sob.
She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me against her. She bent my neck and rested my head against her shoulder. I sat with her awkwardly in this position for the next minute or so, until she finally released me. I let out a quiet breath.
“Thank you, Bastien,” she said. “No matter what happens, no matter how much we may fight or disagree, we will always remain bonded, connected by a tie that can never be broken. You will always be my son and I will always, always love you.”
I gulped. That was everything I did not want to hear in this moment.
“I never stopped loving you all these years,” she went on. “Not a day passed when I was trapped on Murther Island when you were not plaguing my mind. When I wasn’t wondering what you were doing, how you were keeping. Whether you were being fed… There were so many days when I believed you weren’t even alive. That I would never see you again.”
I could no longer hold her gaze. I looked down at my feet.
“I know, Mother,” I said. “I know that you love me. And I know that you want what you think is best for me. So… I will try to cooperate and not make things so strained between us. I… I understand that you wish for me to marry Yuraya. And so… I will grant your request. I will try to get to know her. And I will try to come to love her.” Not that it seems love is particularly high on your agenda.
“Oh, darling. You have no idea how happy that makes me,” she said. “I promise you that you will not be disappointed in her. She is a true match for you, my son. You need somebody who is virile, who can match our strength and speed. Just imagine the cubs you will produce! She will become a true life partner for you and live as long as you. You will get to know her and you will be happy with her. I know it.”
I rose to my feet. “But I wish to delay the proceedings longer than a week,” I told her.
Disappointment flashed across my mother’s face but she seemed too pleased by my general behavior to be too stubborn about it. “Well, why is that?”
“Because I wish to get to know her better,” I said. “I wish to spend some time with her alone. Away from the confines of this mountain, where
My stomach churned. I felt sickened by my words—by just how much they were the exact opposite of what I was feeling—but I did my best to insert as much emotion into my performance as possible. Sendira had to believe me. She had to. This harebrained scheme of mine was my last resort. It had to work, which meant that she had to trust me.
In spite of my perhaps unconvincing performance, it appeared that her natural motherly affection for me overpowered any flaws on my part. Her eyes becoming rheumy, her lips trembled slightly, as if she were fighting to suppress a sob.
She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me against her. She bent my neck and rested my head against her shoulder. I sat with her awkwardly in this position for the next minute or so, until she finally released me. I let out a quiet breath.
“Thank you, Bastien,” she said. “No matter what happens, no matter how much we may fight or disagree, we will always remain bonded, connected by a tie that can never be broken. You will always be my son and I will always, always love you.”
I gulped. That was everything I did not want to hear in this moment.
“I never stopped loving you all these years,” she went on. “Not a day passed when I was trapped on Murther Island when you were not plaguing my mind. When I wasn’t wondering what you were doing, how you were keeping. Whether you were being fed… There were so many days when I believed you weren’t even alive. That I would never see you again.”
I could no longer hold her gaze. I looked down at my feet.
“I know, Mother,” I said. “I know that you love me. And I know that you want what you think is best for me. So… I will try to cooperate and not make things so strained between us. I… I understand that you wish for me to marry Yuraya. And so… I will grant your request. I will try to get to know her. And I will try to come to love her.” Not that it seems love is particularly high on your agenda.
“Oh, darling. You have no idea how happy that makes me,” she said. “I promise you that you will not be disappointed in her. She is a true match for you, my son. You need somebody who is virile, who can match our strength and speed. Just imagine the cubs you will produce! She will become a true life partner for you and live as long as you. You will get to know her and you will be happy with her. I know it.”
I rose to my feet. “But I wish to delay the proceedings longer than a week,” I told her.
Disappointment flashed across my mother’s face but she seemed too pleased by my general behavior to be too stubborn about it. “Well, why is that?”
“Because I wish to get to know her better,” I said. “I wish to spend some time with her alone. Away from the confines of this mountain, where
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