a laughingstock, and if that makes Cal Tech look better to her all of a sudden... God damn it." He picked up an orange and slammed it into the sink, splitting it open. "Lyle's been as excited as a kid over this building; all of us have. We feel like we've been part of it; almost as if we're leaving a legacy when
we go." He took a few more paces. "I'll have to call him; he may want us to meet with her again. Try to calm the troubled waters."
Valerie was looking at the split orange, her eyebrows raised. "You're getting awfully worked up, Nick; you can't be sure any of that will happen. It was just one newscast, after all; probably nobody watched, and even if they did they wouldn't remember—"
"They'll remember. Money always makes people remember, and this is a hell of a lot of money. God damn son of a bitch—"
"Oh, stop it," Valerie said. "I hate it when you get all wound up like this. We haven't had this much time together for ages and now you'll brood over something that has nothing to do with us and be thoroughly unpleasant and that's not what I expected for tonight."
Nick stopped pacing and gazed at her. "Well, I guess this isn't what I expected, either. I didn't expect you to say this has nothing to do with us right after I've told you how I feel about it. I didn't expect you to tell me I shouldn't get all wound up about a mess that bothers the hell out of me and could hurt a man I admire, who's worked damned hard for this building. But that doesn't seem to matter to you. What the hell does matter to you? Fun, right? The campus doesn't matter. I don't matter—"
"You would if you'd just relax and have a good time! How can I say you matter to me when you're always making a fiiss about something or other that I don't care about at all? The other day you had to go to some meeting about campus politics or something, and you belong to a dozen committees—"
"Two, but who's counting?" He paused, then took a deep breath. "Come on, Valerie, can we have a truce? It seems like we're always quarreling lately and it always comes from nowhere—one minute everything's wonderful and the next there's a batdefield. I never know whafs going to set us off" and I'd like to put an end to it."
Valerie nodded slowly. "Maybe we should."
Alarmed, he stared at her. "That isn't what I meant."
"I know it isn't. But do you know when we started quarreling? When you started talking about getting married. Ever since then, you've been impatient and critical and not nice the way you used to be."
"I could say the same about you. I'm sorry I jumped the gun and asked you to marry me, but I don't know why that would make us quarrel and snipe at each other, do you?"
She shook her head.
"Well, I apologize for my part in it. You know I'd never hurt you if I
could help it. And I don't mean to criticize you—"
"Don't," Valerie said. There was such tenderness in his eyes when he looked at her that her heart sank. Oh, God, what am I doin0? I don't deserve him. But then she thought, Damn it, I'm tired of thinking that! I'm tired of feeling he's better and nobler and smarter than I am. I'd love to be with somebody who's a little dumb, just for awhile. Rob, or somebody like him; somebody who doesn't demand anything.
She felt miserable. All she wanted was to get out of Nick's apartment, get away from him, be alone for a while.
She stood up, and Nick quickly put his hand on her arm. "You're not going, you can't be. What the hell is going on, do you know.>"
"A lot, I guess. I'm going, Nick; I'll call you, or something, but I don't want to talk anymore."
"But I do. Listen, Valerie darling, you can't leave with everything up in the air. It doesn't make any sense—a few quarrels—that's no reason to walk out. My God, you know how much I love you, how much I want for the two of us ... I can't imagine not being with you and I know it's not what you want—"
"Yes it is." She drew back from him, quivering to get away. "Don't you understand? I do want it.
we go." He took a few more paces. "I'll have to call him; he may want us to meet with her again. Try to calm the troubled waters."
Valerie was looking at the split orange, her eyebrows raised. "You're getting awfully worked up, Nick; you can't be sure any of that will happen. It was just one newscast, after all; probably nobody watched, and even if they did they wouldn't remember—"
"They'll remember. Money always makes people remember, and this is a hell of a lot of money. God damn son of a bitch—"
"Oh, stop it," Valerie said. "I hate it when you get all wound up like this. We haven't had this much time together for ages and now you'll brood over something that has nothing to do with us and be thoroughly unpleasant and that's not what I expected for tonight."
Nick stopped pacing and gazed at her. "Well, I guess this isn't what I expected, either. I didn't expect you to say this has nothing to do with us right after I've told you how I feel about it. I didn't expect you to tell me I shouldn't get all wound up about a mess that bothers the hell out of me and could hurt a man I admire, who's worked damned hard for this building. But that doesn't seem to matter to you. What the hell does matter to you? Fun, right? The campus doesn't matter. I don't matter—"
"You would if you'd just relax and have a good time! How can I say you matter to me when you're always making a fiiss about something or other that I don't care about at all? The other day you had to go to some meeting about campus politics or something, and you belong to a dozen committees—"
"Two, but who's counting?" He paused, then took a deep breath. "Come on, Valerie, can we have a truce? It seems like we're always quarreling lately and it always comes from nowhere—one minute everything's wonderful and the next there's a batdefield. I never know whafs going to set us off" and I'd like to put an end to it."
Valerie nodded slowly. "Maybe we should."
Alarmed, he stared at her. "That isn't what I meant."
"I know it isn't. But do you know when we started quarreling? When you started talking about getting married. Ever since then, you've been impatient and critical and not nice the way you used to be."
"I could say the same about you. I'm sorry I jumped the gun and asked you to marry me, but I don't know why that would make us quarrel and snipe at each other, do you?"
She shook her head.
"Well, I apologize for my part in it. You know I'd never hurt you if I
could help it. And I don't mean to criticize you—"
"Don't," Valerie said. There was such tenderness in his eyes when he looked at her that her heart sank. Oh, God, what am I doin0? I don't deserve him. But then she thought, Damn it, I'm tired of thinking that! I'm tired of feeling he's better and nobler and smarter than I am. I'd love to be with somebody who's a little dumb, just for awhile. Rob, or somebody like him; somebody who doesn't demand anything.
She felt miserable. All she wanted was to get out of Nick's apartment, get away from him, be alone for a while.
She stood up, and Nick quickly put his hand on her arm. "You're not going, you can't be. What the hell is going on, do you know.>"
"A lot, I guess. I'm going, Nick; I'll call you, or something, but I don't want to talk anymore."
"But I do. Listen, Valerie darling, you can't leave with everything up in the air. It doesn't make any sense—a few quarrels—that's no reason to walk out. My God, you know how much I love you, how much I want for the two of us ... I can't imagine not being with you and I know it's not what you want—"
"Yes it is." She drew back from him, quivering to get away. "Don't you understand? I do want it.
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