she whispered at her mother, “Not here
and not now.” She turned around and simply walked away.
She reached the safety of her battered
blue Honda Civic. With a shaking hand she turned the ignition; the engine
put-putted into life. She didn’t care if Louis and Amber never forgave her for
not attending the luncheon. She’d finally learned that she must protect
herself. Tears formed; she fought them back but they wouldn’t be denied. Before
she knew it she was openly sobbing. The anguished sounds that came out of her
sounded just like a wounded animal. She frantically opened both front windows
to let the cold wind blast her into reality.
Aunt Bess was suddenly by her open
window. Looking at Penny with great sadness in her eyes, she began, “Penny,
don’t—”
Looking up at her Aunt with tearstained
eyes, she put a hand up to stop her. “Why am I so distraught? I have to stop
with all this crying already, it’s crazy. And now,” she said with a fresh sob,
“I’m filling up the empty spaces of my life with lies. Pretty soon I’m going to
have to start taking medication.”
“I don’t think just yet Penny. You have a
little ways to go.”
She grabbed her aunt’s hand. “I can’t do
this all by myself. I was wrong, I can’t do it. Why did I think I could change
my life?”
“I have great faith in you,” Aunt Bess
said quietly.
Stopping at a red light, Penny watched a family of four
cross the street in front of her. The husband had taken his wife’s arm to steer
her gently across. The woman was pushing a stroller which held a little girl
with pigtails. She was drinking from a purple juice cup. Her little brother
toddled beside her, one hand on the stroller, the other holding his father’s
hand.
She felt a pang of longing pierce her
heart. I want that, she thought, knowing that she too sounded like a
two-year-old. I want that and then some.
Trying to maintain a firmer resolve to
find what she was looking for, she drove home with the determination to become
a shiny new Penny, a Penny that she could be proud of.
Chapter 21
“What did you do this weekend, Penny?”
Twirling around, she found Alyssa Winkins
looking at her inquisitively. Alyssa was also an RN nurse on the oncology ward
and this was the first time she’d addressed her. Penny was speechless for a
moment. She wasn’t used to anyone wanting to know what she did on the weekend,
or any other time for that matter.
“Oh, well,” she said, trying to appear
nonchalant, “I went to my twin nephew’s Communion ceremony on Sunday.”
Alyssa mulled this over. “That sounds
like fun, I guess. Ha! Honestly, that sounds pretty boring. I hate family
gatherings probably because I hate most of my family.” Moving in closer, she
asked, “That’s kind of weird having a Communion in the fall. Aren’t they mostly
done in the spring?”
“I thought it was a little weird too, I
don’t know much about my brother’s church. I guess, maybe, some churches do it
differently,” she finished shyly.
Alyssa laughed again. “Yeah, well, I
guess we have no right questioning any church’s schedules. The planning of that
calendar of events is kind of sacred don’t you think?”
She shook her head in agreement. She
thought Alyssa was rather becoming and she had an outgoing personality.
Alyssa’s short blond hair was slightly wavy and fell to the nape of her neck in
a most attractive manner. She had beautiful skin with white teeth that sparkled
every time she smiled.
Everyone seemed fond of Alyssa at the
hospital. Penny would always find her chatting with someone, or laughing in the
middle of a small group that invariably formed when she was around. Alyssa was
fun and upbeat, and Penny would like nothing more than to know her better.
She quickly tried to think of something
else to say so Alyssa wouldn’t walk away. “I’m not so happy with my family
either.”
“Families can really blow, big time.”
“Yeah, they can really blow a
and not now.” She turned around and simply walked away.
She reached the safety of her battered
blue Honda Civic. With a shaking hand she turned the ignition; the engine
put-putted into life. She didn’t care if Louis and Amber never forgave her for
not attending the luncheon. She’d finally learned that she must protect
herself. Tears formed; she fought them back but they wouldn’t be denied. Before
she knew it she was openly sobbing. The anguished sounds that came out of her
sounded just like a wounded animal. She frantically opened both front windows
to let the cold wind blast her into reality.
Aunt Bess was suddenly by her open
window. Looking at Penny with great sadness in her eyes, she began, “Penny,
don’t—”
Looking up at her Aunt with tearstained
eyes, she put a hand up to stop her. “Why am I so distraught? I have to stop
with all this crying already, it’s crazy. And now,” she said with a fresh sob,
“I’m filling up the empty spaces of my life with lies. Pretty soon I’m going to
have to start taking medication.”
“I don’t think just yet Penny. You have a
little ways to go.”
She grabbed her aunt’s hand. “I can’t do
this all by myself. I was wrong, I can’t do it. Why did I think I could change
my life?”
“I have great faith in you,” Aunt Bess
said quietly.
Stopping at a red light, Penny watched a family of four
cross the street in front of her. The husband had taken his wife’s arm to steer
her gently across. The woman was pushing a stroller which held a little girl
with pigtails. She was drinking from a purple juice cup. Her little brother
toddled beside her, one hand on the stroller, the other holding his father’s
hand.
She felt a pang of longing pierce her
heart. I want that, she thought, knowing that she too sounded like a
two-year-old. I want that and then some.
Trying to maintain a firmer resolve to
find what she was looking for, she drove home with the determination to become
a shiny new Penny, a Penny that she could be proud of.
Chapter 21
“What did you do this weekend, Penny?”
Twirling around, she found Alyssa Winkins
looking at her inquisitively. Alyssa was also an RN nurse on the oncology ward
and this was the first time she’d addressed her. Penny was speechless for a
moment. She wasn’t used to anyone wanting to know what she did on the weekend,
or any other time for that matter.
“Oh, well,” she said, trying to appear
nonchalant, “I went to my twin nephew’s Communion ceremony on Sunday.”
Alyssa mulled this over. “That sounds
like fun, I guess. Ha! Honestly, that sounds pretty boring. I hate family
gatherings probably because I hate most of my family.” Moving in closer, she
asked, “That’s kind of weird having a Communion in the fall. Aren’t they mostly
done in the spring?”
“I thought it was a little weird too, I
don’t know much about my brother’s church. I guess, maybe, some churches do it
differently,” she finished shyly.
Alyssa laughed again. “Yeah, well, I
guess we have no right questioning any church’s schedules. The planning of that
calendar of events is kind of sacred don’t you think?”
She shook her head in agreement. She
thought Alyssa was rather becoming and she had an outgoing personality.
Alyssa’s short blond hair was slightly wavy and fell to the nape of her neck in
a most attractive manner. She had beautiful skin with white teeth that sparkled
every time she smiled.
Everyone seemed fond of Alyssa at the
hospital. Penny would always find her chatting with someone, or laughing in the
middle of a small group that invariably formed when she was around. Alyssa was
fun and upbeat, and Penny would like nothing more than to know her better.
She quickly tried to think of something
else to say so Alyssa wouldn’t walk away. “I’m not so happy with my family
either.”
“Families can really blow, big time.”
“Yeah, they can really blow a
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