A Mission to the Mustard Museum by Beth Mathison Page A

clarification thing. I thought it might help us have more…focus on our dates.”
    “It was the paintball date, wasn’t it?” David asked. “Is that what prompted this mission thing? I swear to God, I didn’t mean to hit you in the chest with that paintball.”
    “No,” Frannie admitted. “It wasn’t the paintball date. You’ve apologized enough for that one. I just was thinking about our dates, and where we’re headed with them.”
    “Well, I always vote for sex,” David said. “Sex has got to be in any kind of date mission statement.”
    “Well, I think that’s a given,” Frannie said, a touch of sarcasm in her voice.
    “Hey, I have testosterone you know,” David said. “You need a mission statement and I need sex. It’s part of our deep natures.”
    “Deep natures?” Frannie asked.
    “Yeah, I read that in a magazine. They had an article about the deep natures of men and woman in Good Housekeeping . How women like to deepen a relationship by non-physical means, and men can deepen their relationships by physical touch. I read it while I was waiting for Brittany to get out of her orthodontist appointment on Tuesday.”
    “They didn’t have any sports magazines?” Frannie asked.
    “No, for crying out loud. We pay them a fortune for Brittany’s braces, and all they have is Good Housekeeping and Woman’s Day . It’s a horror.”
    “OK,” Frannie said. “Physical touch will always be part of our Date Mission.”
    “I like that. Date Mission. It sounds like a covert operation. I’m starting to get into it now. Can I wear cammo and night vision goggles?”
    “I think we both can when appropriate,” Frannie answered.
    “Great. I’ve always wanted to try out night vision goggles.”
    “I think another goal would be to learn more about each other,” Frannie said. “Like the condiment conversation. Even though we’ve been married for a long time, we can still learn things about each other.”
    “You think I will love you more because I know your favorite condiment is stone-ground mustard?” David asked.
    “I think we’re learning more about one another, which will deepen our relationship. It’s like when we first started dating, how we were learning about each other. It creates intimacy.”
    “Intimacy I like,” David agreed, nodding his head.
    “So, physical touch and getting to know each other.”
    “Fun,” David added. “I think part of our Date Mission should be fun. Now, that excludes sex, because sex is automatically fun.”
    “Well, I would hope so,” Frannie said. “If you’re doing it right.”
    “You would tell me if I’m not doing it right?” David asked, looking over at her.
    “Absolutely. And I hope you would do the same.”
    “I really don’t have a problem expressing myself. It’s also part of my deep nature.”
    “I think we should also come into our dates with open minds,” Frannie said. “We can experience new things.”
    “And we’re not just talking about sex here, correct?” David asked.
    “Correct.”
    “Open minds is good. As you know, we’re very different people. We’re going to have to stretch a little bit with some of our more…unique date locations.” He paused. “Like the Mustard Museum.”
    “All right then,” Frannie said. “Our Date Mission is to get to know each other, have fun, and keep an open mind. With the ultimate goal to deepen our relationship.” She paused. “And there’s physical touch and or sex in there at some point.”
    “Works for me!” David exclaimed. “And I want to remind you that testosterone doesn’t rule my life. I agree with all the other parts of the mission too. I just wanted to include the sex clause so we keep it a priority.”
    “The sex clause, I like that.”
    “The big purple arrow on the GPS is telling me to exit. What does your crude paper map say?”
    “My classic paper map is also telling us to exit,” Frannie replied. “Actually, I’m reading the map, which takes training and