questions I need you to answer.”
“At least allow me my decency.”
“You get your fucking decency AFTER I’ve asked you the questions.”
She begins to sob in that inimitable way elderly ladies do.
“Look, stop crying. I’m not going to hurt you.”
“Just ask your questions and leave me be.”
I get right to the point. “Why do you believe Astenburger’s bullshit theories? What evidence out there suggests that any of this is even remotely true?”
“More to the point, what are you doing working for Astenburger when you clearly don’t believe in his theories?”
“It’s a job – people need money – I’M PEOPLE, MRS WEBBER!!!”
“Are you going to rape me?”
“NO!!! I’M NOT GOING TO FUCKING RAPE YOU!!!”
“Why not?”
“Why not? I’ll tell you why the fuck not: because I DON’T rape people. Get that out of your fried mind.”
“Is it because you find me unattractive? Is that it?”
“No, it’s because I don’t believe rape will get me anywhere. I have no desire for power over anyone. Plus, let’s be honest, Mrs Webber, you’re old. I don’t make a habit of fucking people more than twice my age.”
“If I asked you politely, would you rape me?”
“If you asked me politely it wouldn’t be rape would it!?”
“Would you consider making love to me? I’m a virgin, Michael. I need love, even if it’s only physical and fleeting.”
“I’m sorry, Mrs Webber, there’s no way on earth I could do that.”
I watch closely as the mood in her cataract-stricken eyes turns cold. I can feel the environmental mood change.
“How do you think your employer would react when I tell them you harassed me like this? How do you think the Police would react, Michael? You clearly haven’t thought this through.”
I wince as reality sucker punches me in the gut. The weight of my folly crushes me to dust.
“How can you be a virgin, Mrs Webber? How does anyone in this day and age stay a virgin? I thought you said you were married?”
“I’m not of this day and age, Michael. For me, the topic of sex never came up until it was too late. Now, are you going to love me Michael?”
“There’s a problem that I don’t think you’re considering.”
“What’s that?”
“In order for me to ‘make love’ to you, certain physical reactions need to occur that given the circumstances, aren’t probable.”
“You’re talking about erections aren’t you, Michael?”
I nod emphatically.
“Don’t be foolish, you’re more erect than you’ve ever been.”
I look down at my trouser front and sure enough, my penis is painfully erect. I’m in danger of bursting through my jeans. There isn’t a hint of arousal anywhere in my body, yet physically I’m all ready to go. Perhaps my body is simply trying to save me from myself. Keep me out of harm’s way. I capitulate.
“Where do you want to do this?”
“Follow me to the boudoir, Michael.”
She rises from the toilet without wiping, trousers still at her ankles, and waddles toward the bedroom. I follow.
* * * * *
“I need to know that you love me, Nadia. I feel lost and I’m relying on you.”
“Where’s this coming from?”
“I had a horrible day at work. The sort of day I can’t even begin to describe.”
“I love you more than you’ll ever admit to yourself. I love you so much it causes pain.”
“Life is horrible pain.”
“The pain of my love is wonderful.”
“I need to take the headphones with me to work tomorrow, Nadia.” The look of fear on her eyes drowns my heart.
“You’ll get them straight back. Please, Nadia, I need them.”
She paces the room, rubbing her chin with dirty hands. I can already sense that the solution she’s looking for doesn’t exist.
“You can take them, Michael, I won’t stop you. Please don’t keep them from me. When you’re not here, they’re all I have.”
I comfort Nadia with everything I have, which admittedly, isn’t much. I stroke her knotted hair and
“At least allow me my decency.”
“You get your fucking decency AFTER I’ve asked you the questions.”
She begins to sob in that inimitable way elderly ladies do.
“Look, stop crying. I’m not going to hurt you.”
“Just ask your questions and leave me be.”
I get right to the point. “Why do you believe Astenburger’s bullshit theories? What evidence out there suggests that any of this is even remotely true?”
“More to the point, what are you doing working for Astenburger when you clearly don’t believe in his theories?”
“It’s a job – people need money – I’M PEOPLE, MRS WEBBER!!!”
“Are you going to rape me?”
“NO!!! I’M NOT GOING TO FUCKING RAPE YOU!!!”
“Why not?”
“Why not? I’ll tell you why the fuck not: because I DON’T rape people. Get that out of your fried mind.”
“Is it because you find me unattractive? Is that it?”
“No, it’s because I don’t believe rape will get me anywhere. I have no desire for power over anyone. Plus, let’s be honest, Mrs Webber, you’re old. I don’t make a habit of fucking people more than twice my age.”
“If I asked you politely, would you rape me?”
“If you asked me politely it wouldn’t be rape would it!?”
“Would you consider making love to me? I’m a virgin, Michael. I need love, even if it’s only physical and fleeting.”
“I’m sorry, Mrs Webber, there’s no way on earth I could do that.”
I watch closely as the mood in her cataract-stricken eyes turns cold. I can feel the environmental mood change.
“How do you think your employer would react when I tell them you harassed me like this? How do you think the Police would react, Michael? You clearly haven’t thought this through.”
I wince as reality sucker punches me in the gut. The weight of my folly crushes me to dust.
“How can you be a virgin, Mrs Webber? How does anyone in this day and age stay a virgin? I thought you said you were married?”
“I’m not of this day and age, Michael. For me, the topic of sex never came up until it was too late. Now, are you going to love me Michael?”
“There’s a problem that I don’t think you’re considering.”
“What’s that?”
“In order for me to ‘make love’ to you, certain physical reactions need to occur that given the circumstances, aren’t probable.”
“You’re talking about erections aren’t you, Michael?”
I nod emphatically.
“Don’t be foolish, you’re more erect than you’ve ever been.”
I look down at my trouser front and sure enough, my penis is painfully erect. I’m in danger of bursting through my jeans. There isn’t a hint of arousal anywhere in my body, yet physically I’m all ready to go. Perhaps my body is simply trying to save me from myself. Keep me out of harm’s way. I capitulate.
“Where do you want to do this?”
“Follow me to the boudoir, Michael.”
She rises from the toilet without wiping, trousers still at her ankles, and waddles toward the bedroom. I follow.
* * * * *
“I need to know that you love me, Nadia. I feel lost and I’m relying on you.”
“Where’s this coming from?”
“I had a horrible day at work. The sort of day I can’t even begin to describe.”
“I love you more than you’ll ever admit to yourself. I love you so much it causes pain.”
“Life is horrible pain.”
“The pain of my love is wonderful.”
“I need to take the headphones with me to work tomorrow, Nadia.” The look of fear on her eyes drowns my heart.
“You’ll get them straight back. Please, Nadia, I need them.”
She paces the room, rubbing her chin with dirty hands. I can already sense that the solution she’s looking for doesn’t exist.
“You can take them, Michael, I won’t stop you. Please don’t keep them from me. When you’re not here, they’re all I have.”
I comfort Nadia with everything I have, which admittedly, isn’t much. I stroke her knotted hair and
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