Harcourt?”
“Yes.” She hurt for her mom.
“That had to have been terribly frightening for her—fearing the people she loved most might not understand.” His compassion warmed his voice.
She was right about him. He had a big heart. A good heart. She admired him even more. “Those are exactly some of the things I wish I could talk to Mom about.”
“There’s no way to lay the past to rest between you. So it just keeps haunting you.”
“Yes. Exactly.” He understood. Debra blinked against the hot pressure pressing at her eyes. No one had seemed to understand. Not her sister, not her brothers and not even her father. She’d been alone with her feelings, struggling with them as they built and built. Until they began to harden like a husk inside her. She hadn’t realized how much she’d craved a little understanding.
There was more of the story to tell. She studied the man before her, big and rugged-looking and as reliable as a wish. She knew he might understand.
She ran her finger over a pattern of the grain on the wooden table top. “Mom was a good wife and mother. When I was Mia’s age, I wanted to grow up to be just like her. She seemed sure of every step she took. She didn’t look right or left, she didn’t wonder or worry. She took a stance, made a decision and that was it. Her faith was deep and unwavering. But one day everything changed between us.”
“Tell me.”
She couldn’t look at him, trying to figure out the words to use. How did she explain how confused she felt? It left her torn up, the way she loved her mother dearly and at the same time, she was so angry for the lies. For the secrets. “I was her daughter. We were close. I told her all my secrets and sorrows. I don’t understand why she didn’t tell me hers when she had the chance. And believe me, when I was in college, she had the perfect chance to tell me.”
She glanced between her lashes to peek at Jonah’s response. To see if he caught on, or if she would have to talk about the time in her life that hurt all these years later.
“I can do the math.” Jonah spoke carefully, his rugged baritone. “If Mia is thirteen, then you had to be fairly young when she was born.”
“Yes. I—I wasn’t married at the time.” She focused on a knothole in the wood. It was easier to get the words out that way. “I was in college, in love and talking about marrying my first very serious boyfriend.”
“So, you married him?”
Jonah’s question surprised her like a slap to her face. Of course he would assume such a thing and that made it harder. Deep inside she could still feel the shattered illusions of the trusting, sheltered, naive college girl she’d been. A girl who saw only the good in the man she loved with all her soul.
She watched him through her lashes again so she could read his response and lowered her voice. “You’re a minister’s son. You might have a different opinion of me once I admit that, no, I didn’t marry Jeff. I wasn’t engaged. I was young and I went against the values I’d been raised with.”
“Everyone makes mistakes.”
“Even you?”
“Especially me.”
She didn’t believe it. He’d probably done nothing wrong in his life. He had a noble heart. “I let myself believe that being almost engaged wasn’t much different than being married. We would get there eventually, right? But when I discovered I was going to have Mia, I learned there was a big difference.”
“He didn’t stand by you?”
“Stand by me? No.” She had expected Jeff to reach out to her when, instead, he’d been horrified at the news. “He wasn’t ready, that’s what he said. He had his whole life ahead of him and he wasn’t going to let me mess it up for him.”
“That had to hurt you. I’m sorry you went through that.”
She would always feel that wound in her heart. She would never forget the choice adjectives that Jeff had called her— manipulative had been the nicest of them. Words that had cut
“Yes.” She hurt for her mom.
“That had to have been terribly frightening for her—fearing the people she loved most might not understand.” His compassion warmed his voice.
She was right about him. He had a big heart. A good heart. She admired him even more. “Those are exactly some of the things I wish I could talk to Mom about.”
“There’s no way to lay the past to rest between you. So it just keeps haunting you.”
“Yes. Exactly.” He understood. Debra blinked against the hot pressure pressing at her eyes. No one had seemed to understand. Not her sister, not her brothers and not even her father. She’d been alone with her feelings, struggling with them as they built and built. Until they began to harden like a husk inside her. She hadn’t realized how much she’d craved a little understanding.
There was more of the story to tell. She studied the man before her, big and rugged-looking and as reliable as a wish. She knew he might understand.
She ran her finger over a pattern of the grain on the wooden table top. “Mom was a good wife and mother. When I was Mia’s age, I wanted to grow up to be just like her. She seemed sure of every step she took. She didn’t look right or left, she didn’t wonder or worry. She took a stance, made a decision and that was it. Her faith was deep and unwavering. But one day everything changed between us.”
“Tell me.”
She couldn’t look at him, trying to figure out the words to use. How did she explain how confused she felt? It left her torn up, the way she loved her mother dearly and at the same time, she was so angry for the lies. For the secrets. “I was her daughter. We were close. I told her all my secrets and sorrows. I don’t understand why she didn’t tell me hers when she had the chance. And believe me, when I was in college, she had the perfect chance to tell me.”
She glanced between her lashes to peek at Jonah’s response. To see if he caught on, or if she would have to talk about the time in her life that hurt all these years later.
“I can do the math.” Jonah spoke carefully, his rugged baritone. “If Mia is thirteen, then you had to be fairly young when she was born.”
“Yes. I—I wasn’t married at the time.” She focused on a knothole in the wood. It was easier to get the words out that way. “I was in college, in love and talking about marrying my first very serious boyfriend.”
“So, you married him?”
Jonah’s question surprised her like a slap to her face. Of course he would assume such a thing and that made it harder. Deep inside she could still feel the shattered illusions of the trusting, sheltered, naive college girl she’d been. A girl who saw only the good in the man she loved with all her soul.
She watched him through her lashes again so she could read his response and lowered her voice. “You’re a minister’s son. You might have a different opinion of me once I admit that, no, I didn’t marry Jeff. I wasn’t engaged. I was young and I went against the values I’d been raised with.”
“Everyone makes mistakes.”
“Even you?”
“Especially me.”
She didn’t believe it. He’d probably done nothing wrong in his life. He had a noble heart. “I let myself believe that being almost engaged wasn’t much different than being married. We would get there eventually, right? But when I discovered I was going to have Mia, I learned there was a big difference.”
“He didn’t stand by you?”
“Stand by me? No.” She had expected Jeff to reach out to her when, instead, he’d been horrified at the news. “He wasn’t ready, that’s what he said. He had his whole life ahead of him and he wasn’t going to let me mess it up for him.”
“That had to hurt you. I’m sorry you went through that.”
She would always feel that wound in her heart. She would never forget the choice adjectives that Jeff had called her— manipulative had been the nicest of them. Words that had cut
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