A FUNNY THING HAPPENED ON THE WAY TO MY STRESS TEST by Brian Gari Page B
Authors: Brian Gari
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arrived exactly at 10 AM and went to check in. We waited a bit and were ushered into an office where a nice, immaculately dressed gentleman welcomed us and went over a bit of paperwork. We were then directed to a room where my clothes would be put into a locker and I was to change into that famous hospital gown that never ties right. Already I was feeling like my life was being put into other people’s hands. Keep in mind, it’s not even noon and I’m getting very hungry since I was not allowed to eat anything since the night before.
Finally, sometime in the early afternoon I was led to the prep area where they have to shave you slightly (no, not your face — I still had my beard) so they can get the area sterile for the insertion of the tube through your groin. They tried to put an IV in my arm, but they had trouble. The nurse blew the vein so she asked if she could try my hand. Fine with me. Just do it already. I am very squeamish when it comes to taking blood and inserting IVs. (Little did I know how many times this would happen during my lovely stay.) I recall being wheeled into the OR and it being very cold. They gave me more blankets (despite hearing that I would have to tolerate the cold germ free surroundings). I looked up at the nurse and doctor and all the equipment and started to fade. My wife went downstairs for some tea, but something told her to go back up rather quickly. The procedure had been accomplished. She sneaked into the room where I was but was told by a nurse to stay out of there and wait for the doctors. The surgeon had to confer with my cardiologist. Everything was very suspicious. My wife was told the outcome and was crying. I came to and saw my cardiologist hanging over me and I asked him how it went. He said things are going to be a bit different from where we thought it was going. Oh? Yes…you will be having quadruple bypass open heart surgery in the morning. I was 95% blocked. I asked if I was going home that day. I didn’t quite get it.
4.
Here it Comes
I was taken upstairs to my beautiful room (I had no idea I was entitled to this, but I heard my doctors prescribed these accommodations). It had a beautiful view of the upper west side of New York. I suppose if you’re going through something like this, it helps the spirit to see beauty rather than pondering your fate. My main concern was food. Could I eat now? It still wasn’t fully sinking in what was going to happen the next day. The staff was only too happy to bring me a couple of turkey sandwiches which I gobbled down very quickly. I squeezed out every drop of mayo & ketchup (and even mustard) from those stupid little silver packets they provide you with to make your sandwich a little less dry. I go along with the theory that it’s a mayonnaise sandwich with turkey — not the other way around.
Little did I know, this was going to be my last solid meal for a while. There was nothing left on my tray by the time they came to remove it.
Jeanne and I were trying to come to grips with this news. I was going to have quadruple bypass open heart surgery the next day. Where was I on the schedule? Number two of two? Yikes. What do they do? Slice someone open, work for hours, seal them up and then grab me? I began to realize I was about to go through what David Letterman & Regis Philbin had done a few years earlier. I was younger than both of them (though not younger than Letterman when he actually had his surgery — he was only 52).
Jeanne had called my mother and suddenly there she was in the chair by the window. No easy feat for her. She had been mugged five years earlier and has never fully recovered from being knocked to the ground and having her shoulder and leg broken. She has a hard time getting around and uses a walker or a wheelchair. But there she was supporting her first born in what was turning into a very major hospital visit. I bet she never thought this was in the cards. This was the first time the reality hit
Finally, sometime in the early afternoon I was led to the prep area where they have to shave you slightly (no, not your face — I still had my beard) so they can get the area sterile for the insertion of the tube through your groin. They tried to put an IV in my arm, but they had trouble. The nurse blew the vein so she asked if she could try my hand. Fine with me. Just do it already. I am very squeamish when it comes to taking blood and inserting IVs. (Little did I know how many times this would happen during my lovely stay.) I recall being wheeled into the OR and it being very cold. They gave me more blankets (despite hearing that I would have to tolerate the cold germ free surroundings). I looked up at the nurse and doctor and all the equipment and started to fade. My wife went downstairs for some tea, but something told her to go back up rather quickly. The procedure had been accomplished. She sneaked into the room where I was but was told by a nurse to stay out of there and wait for the doctors. The surgeon had to confer with my cardiologist. Everything was very suspicious. My wife was told the outcome and was crying. I came to and saw my cardiologist hanging over me and I asked him how it went. He said things are going to be a bit different from where we thought it was going. Oh? Yes…you will be having quadruple bypass open heart surgery in the morning. I was 95% blocked. I asked if I was going home that day. I didn’t quite get it.
4.
Here it Comes
I was taken upstairs to my beautiful room (I had no idea I was entitled to this, but I heard my doctors prescribed these accommodations). It had a beautiful view of the upper west side of New York. I suppose if you’re going through something like this, it helps the spirit to see beauty rather than pondering your fate. My main concern was food. Could I eat now? It still wasn’t fully sinking in what was going to happen the next day. The staff was only too happy to bring me a couple of turkey sandwiches which I gobbled down very quickly. I squeezed out every drop of mayo & ketchup (and even mustard) from those stupid little silver packets they provide you with to make your sandwich a little less dry. I go along with the theory that it’s a mayonnaise sandwich with turkey — not the other way around.
Little did I know, this was going to be my last solid meal for a while. There was nothing left on my tray by the time they came to remove it.
Jeanne and I were trying to come to grips with this news. I was going to have quadruple bypass open heart surgery the next day. Where was I on the schedule? Number two of two? Yikes. What do they do? Slice someone open, work for hours, seal them up and then grab me? I began to realize I was about to go through what David Letterman & Regis Philbin had done a few years earlier. I was younger than both of them (though not younger than Letterman when he actually had his surgery — he was only 52).
Jeanne had called my mother and suddenly there she was in the chair by the window. No easy feat for her. She had been mugged five years earlier and has never fully recovered from being knocked to the ground and having her shoulder and leg broken. She has a hard time getting around and uses a walker or a wheelchair. But there she was supporting her first born in what was turning into a very major hospital visit. I bet she never thought this was in the cards. This was the first time the reality hit