the notion of an emotional bank account to convey the crucial aspects of relationships. He indicates that in all relationships one makes deposits to and withdrawals from the other individual in that relationship. The chart on the next page lists some of these deposits and withdrawals.
The first step to creating relationships with students and adults is to make the deposits that are the basis of relationships. Relationships always begin as one individual to another. First and foremost in all relationships with students is the relationship between each teacher and student, then between each student and each administrator, and finally, among all of the players, including student-to-student relationships.
What, then, is meant by relationship? (Should students become my personal friends? Should I go out with them?) A successful relationship occurs when emotional deposits are made to the student, emotional withdrawals are avoided, and students are respected. Are there boundaries to the relationship? Absolutely-and that is what is meant by clarifying expectations. But to honor students as human beings worthy of respect and care is to establish a relationship that will provide for enhanced learning.
What are the deposits and withdrawals with regard to students and adults from poverty? (See chart on next page.) By understanding deposits that are valued by students from poverty, the relationship is stronger.
How does an organization or school create-and build-relationships? Through support systems, through caring about students, by promoting student achievement, by being role models, by insisting upon successful behaviors for school. Support systems are simply networks of relationships.
Will creating healthy relationships with students make all students successful? No. But if we make a difference for 5% more of our students the first year and 5% more each year thereafter, we will have progressed considerably from where we are right now.
Adapted from Stephen Covey, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People
In the final analysis, as one looks back on a teaching career, it is the relationships one remembers.
WHAT DOES THIS INFORMATION MEAN IN THE SCHOOL OR WORK SETTING?
For students and adults from poverty, the primary motivation for their success will be in their relationships.
If your school or work setting presently affords few opportunities for building relationships, find ways to establish natural connections that will enable this vital resource to take root and grow.
Conclusion
ne of the topics as yet untouched is the need to grieve and go through the grieving process as one teaches or works with the poor. The Kubler-Ross stages in the grieving process are anger, denial, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. As one meets and works with a particular family or individual, there is such frustration and, ultimately, grieving because many situations are so embedded as to seem hopeless. It's like dealing with the legendary octopus; each time a tentacle is removed, another appears. Particularly for the adults, so many choices have been made that virtually preclude any resolution that would be acceptable from an educated perspective. Yet the role of the educator or social worker or employer is not to save the individual, but rather to offer a support system, role models, and opportunities to learn, which will increase the likelihood of the person's success. Ultimately, the choice always belongs to the individual.
Yet another notion among the middle class and educated is that if the poor had a choice, they would live differently. The financial resources would certainly help make a difference. Even with the financial resources, however, not every individual who received those finances would choose to live differently. There is a freedom of verbal expression, an appreciation of individual personality, a heightened and intense emotional experience, and a sensual, kinesthetic approach to life usually not found in the
The first step to creating relationships with students and adults is to make the deposits that are the basis of relationships. Relationships always begin as one individual to another. First and foremost in all relationships with students is the relationship between each teacher and student, then between each student and each administrator, and finally, among all of the players, including student-to-student relationships.
What, then, is meant by relationship? (Should students become my personal friends? Should I go out with them?) A successful relationship occurs when emotional deposits are made to the student, emotional withdrawals are avoided, and students are respected. Are there boundaries to the relationship? Absolutely-and that is what is meant by clarifying expectations. But to honor students as human beings worthy of respect and care is to establish a relationship that will provide for enhanced learning.
What are the deposits and withdrawals with regard to students and adults from poverty? (See chart on next page.) By understanding deposits that are valued by students from poverty, the relationship is stronger.
How does an organization or school create-and build-relationships? Through support systems, through caring about students, by promoting student achievement, by being role models, by insisting upon successful behaviors for school. Support systems are simply networks of relationships.
Will creating healthy relationships with students make all students successful? No. But if we make a difference for 5% more of our students the first year and 5% more each year thereafter, we will have progressed considerably from where we are right now.
Adapted from Stephen Covey, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People
In the final analysis, as one looks back on a teaching career, it is the relationships one remembers.
WHAT DOES THIS INFORMATION MEAN IN THE SCHOOL OR WORK SETTING?
For students and adults from poverty, the primary motivation for their success will be in their relationships.
If your school or work setting presently affords few opportunities for building relationships, find ways to establish natural connections that will enable this vital resource to take root and grow.
Conclusion
ne of the topics as yet untouched is the need to grieve and go through the grieving process as one teaches or works with the poor. The Kubler-Ross stages in the grieving process are anger, denial, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. As one meets and works with a particular family or individual, there is such frustration and, ultimately, grieving because many situations are so embedded as to seem hopeless. It's like dealing with the legendary octopus; each time a tentacle is removed, another appears. Particularly for the adults, so many choices have been made that virtually preclude any resolution that would be acceptable from an educated perspective. Yet the role of the educator or social worker or employer is not to save the individual, but rather to offer a support system, role models, and opportunities to learn, which will increase the likelihood of the person's success. Ultimately, the choice always belongs to the individual.
Yet another notion among the middle class and educated is that if the poor had a choice, they would live differently. The financial resources would certainly help make a difference. Even with the financial resources, however, not every individual who received those finances would choose to live differently. There is a freedom of verbal expression, an appreciation of individual personality, a heightened and intense emotional experience, and a sensual, kinesthetic approach to life usually not found in the
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