light a color they seemed to be light themselves. I thought she must be crazy—sincere, but crazy. I wanted to pull away so she couldn’t learn everything there was to know about me, but I kept myself from flinching.
“I can see it in your eyes. You’re good people. I’ll let you have it for fifteen, all right?” She let go.
“But…” I backed away, spluttering.
“Don’t worry about it, honey. I wouldn’t do this if it wasn’t a cross, but I can see you love what it stands for. You’re a good person; you deserve this.”
Miguel handed over all his money and clasped the chain around my neck. I stood, wooden, sure I’d cheated her. As Miguel thanked her I felt the cross at my throat, felt the rose and tucked my nail under the edge of its stem.
“Are you sure?” I asked before Miguel could lead me away. “It’s not right—”
“There’s right and then there’s right.” She slipped the money into a box. “I’ve had that one for months and never found anyone I wanted to have it more. You need it, don’t you?”
Not want, but need. I knew the difference, and still, I nodded.
She smiled. “You’re good people.” Then she turned to another customer.
I had no choice but to follow Miguel to where we’d agreed to meet his mother. I’d wear the necklace every day, I swore to myself. And I knew, whenever I said “Thank You” to God, I’d reach up and stroke my tiny rose.
10
Jackson, Miguel, and I huddled at the back of the church hall, waiting for Lucy to start the meeting. I peered over Miguel’s shoulder, hoping to see Shannon. If she knew the two of them had ambushed me, she’d come to my rescue. But she hadn’t come in yet, and no one else in the crowded hall paid any attention to the three of us. I was stuck arguing my way out.
“You should go,” Jackson said.
“It doesn’t hurt.” That was from Miguel.
I raised one eyebrow at him. He had no idea what might hurt. “It’s not like I need to go.”
Jackson’s jaw dropped. “How can you say that? I know kids whose parents have been sober a lot longer than my mom, and they still go. They still need the support.”
“Well, I don’t. OK?”
Why the need to lie? I knew the truth, and yet all I could do was lock it away until it burned a hole through my soul, until it blazed on my face like a badge of admission, until the others knew just as well as I did—maybe better—that I couldn’t allow myself to dance with the truth.
Miguel shrugged, his head down and his elbows braced on his knees. “What are you gonna do if your mom starts drinking again?”
“She won’t!” That time quite a few turned to look. I lowered my voice, but it rasped with the effort. “She won’t. I know my mom.”
I don’t live a lie; I am a lie.
“Don’t tell me she promised you she wouldn’t.”
I glared at Jackson, at his eyes ice blue with anger, his taut jaw. “Of course not. But I know her.”
“She’s like any other alcoholic—”
“She is not! Don’t you say that, Miguel! She’s not like your dad.” I couldn’t even stop the lies for the one person on the world I knew I loved.
Miguel got up, but Jackson grabbed his arm. “She’s honeymooning. Remember? Let her get it out of her system.”
“You don’t understand.” But I was the one who didn’t.
Jackson interrupted. “I do. Miguel and I both understand better than you do. Look, Aidyn, your mom’s sober, and that’s great. And she might be one of the lucky ones who never takes another drink. I don’t know. But there are plenty of other issues you need to work through.”
“Everything’s fine with Mom and me. Perfect.”
“Hey, guys, want to join us?” Lucy called over the PA, and I got my reprieve.
But I pressed against Miguel’s side during the opening prayer and whispered, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that about your dad.”
He grunted, but after a bit he took my hand, and I knew everything was OK between us. If only
“I can see it in your eyes. You’re good people. I’ll let you have it for fifteen, all right?” She let go.
“But…” I backed away, spluttering.
“Don’t worry about it, honey. I wouldn’t do this if it wasn’t a cross, but I can see you love what it stands for. You’re a good person; you deserve this.”
Miguel handed over all his money and clasped the chain around my neck. I stood, wooden, sure I’d cheated her. As Miguel thanked her I felt the cross at my throat, felt the rose and tucked my nail under the edge of its stem.
“Are you sure?” I asked before Miguel could lead me away. “It’s not right—”
“There’s right and then there’s right.” She slipped the money into a box. “I’ve had that one for months and never found anyone I wanted to have it more. You need it, don’t you?”
Not want, but need. I knew the difference, and still, I nodded.
She smiled. “You’re good people.” Then she turned to another customer.
I had no choice but to follow Miguel to where we’d agreed to meet his mother. I’d wear the necklace every day, I swore to myself. And I knew, whenever I said “Thank You” to God, I’d reach up and stroke my tiny rose.
10
Jackson, Miguel, and I huddled at the back of the church hall, waiting for Lucy to start the meeting. I peered over Miguel’s shoulder, hoping to see Shannon. If she knew the two of them had ambushed me, she’d come to my rescue. But she hadn’t come in yet, and no one else in the crowded hall paid any attention to the three of us. I was stuck arguing my way out.
“You should go,” Jackson said.
“It doesn’t hurt.” That was from Miguel.
I raised one eyebrow at him. He had no idea what might hurt. “It’s not like I need to go.”
Jackson’s jaw dropped. “How can you say that? I know kids whose parents have been sober a lot longer than my mom, and they still go. They still need the support.”
“Well, I don’t. OK?”
Why the need to lie? I knew the truth, and yet all I could do was lock it away until it burned a hole through my soul, until it blazed on my face like a badge of admission, until the others knew just as well as I did—maybe better—that I couldn’t allow myself to dance with the truth.
Miguel shrugged, his head down and his elbows braced on his knees. “What are you gonna do if your mom starts drinking again?”
“She won’t!” That time quite a few turned to look. I lowered my voice, but it rasped with the effort. “She won’t. I know my mom.”
I don’t live a lie; I am a lie.
“Don’t tell me she promised you she wouldn’t.”
I glared at Jackson, at his eyes ice blue with anger, his taut jaw. “Of course not. But I know her.”
“She’s like any other alcoholic—”
“She is not! Don’t you say that, Miguel! She’s not like your dad.” I couldn’t even stop the lies for the one person on the world I knew I loved.
Miguel got up, but Jackson grabbed his arm. “She’s honeymooning. Remember? Let her get it out of her system.”
“You don’t understand.” But I was the one who didn’t.
Jackson interrupted. “I do. Miguel and I both understand better than you do. Look, Aidyn, your mom’s sober, and that’s great. And she might be one of the lucky ones who never takes another drink. I don’t know. But there are plenty of other issues you need to work through.”
“Everything’s fine with Mom and me. Perfect.”
“Hey, guys, want to join us?” Lucy called over the PA, and I got my reprieve.
But I pressed against Miguel’s side during the opening prayer and whispered, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that about your dad.”
He grunted, but after a bit he took my hand, and I knew everything was OK between us. If only
Similar Books
