body. He’d been fantasizing about her for months in ways that made him feel guilty. But after she’d invited him to join her in the shower this afternoon, his fantasies paled next to the reality.
The guilt had only gotten worse though.
Before he’d been able to tell himself he admired her as a beautiful, courageous mother of two children. His fantasies were not reality. Now he knew what her skin felt like under his hands, how she moaned in the back of her throat when he touched her, the way her eyes widened and then closed as she neared her climax. She had given herself to him with a generosity that took his breath away. He had taken everything she offered, knowing he had nothing permanent to give her in return.
But that wasn’t the real problem.
He ached to spend the night making love to her until they both collapsed in exhaustion, and then wake up with her naked in his arms so he could make love to her again. And he wanted to do it every night for the rest of their lives. But he was leaving and her life was firmly rooted in Sanctuary.
He needed to end this before either one of them got in any deeper.
He devoured the rest of the pie and stood up with his plate in his hand. “I’ll help you wash up and then I’d better go.”
She looked as though he’d just thrown ice water in her face. “You don’t have to leave yet. The girls are spending the night at Claire’s.”
He knew that. “I don’t want folks seeing my truck parked in your driveway and drawing conclusions that might hurt you.”
Her face cleared and a mischievous glint shone in her eyes. “We can put it in the garage. Or better yet, park it four doors down in front of that old busybody Bertha Shanks’ house. She’ll go crazy wondering who you’re staking out.”
He realized he owed Holly the truth, so he sat back down. “There’s something I need to tell you.”
It looked as though someone had closed the shutters over the face of the sparkling woman he’d been watching. She was bracing herself for the emotional hit. He imagined she’d learned this from her time with her ex-husband, and it made his guilt expand exponentially.
He tried to figure out how to sugarcoat his news but he decided the bald truth was the best way to handle it. “I’ve accepted a job with the police department in Atlanta, and I’ll be leaving Sanctuary at the end of January.”
He was baffled when both relief and guilt showed on her face. She nodded. “I know. I overheard you talking with Paul in Grady’s barn the other evening.”
That rocked him back in his chair. He struggled to rearrange his thoughts around this information.
Holly looked down at her hands, folded on the table. “Maybe it makes me a bad person, but I wanted this to happen, even though I knew you were leaving.” She lifted her gaze back to his. “I feel like a woman again. Not a failure.”
The honesty of her socked him in the gut. “Frank was the failure, not you.”
Now she turned to stare at the Christmas tree although he was sure she wasn’t seeing the reflection of the lights on the tinsel. “When someone you love tells you over and over again that you’re no good, you start to believe it. And then you feel like a weak-minded fool when you finally realize it’s not true. But the belief has taken root somewhere so deep inside you that you can’t quite dig it out.”
“Holly—” He reached across the table to lay his hand on top of hers.
She turned her palm up to wrap her fingers around his as she summoned a smile. “It’s okay. I’m okay. I just needed this one last piece to put myself back together again. Thank you.”
She was thanking him for some of the greatest sex he’d ever had? He had to fix this. “You’ve got it backwards. I don’t deserve to touch the hem of your skirt, but I’ve gotten to taste your lips and kiss your breasts and come inside you. I’m the one who’s grateful.”
Her face took on a glow. She leaned across the table toward him
The guilt had only gotten worse though.
Before he’d been able to tell himself he admired her as a beautiful, courageous mother of two children. His fantasies were not reality. Now he knew what her skin felt like under his hands, how she moaned in the back of her throat when he touched her, the way her eyes widened and then closed as she neared her climax. She had given herself to him with a generosity that took his breath away. He had taken everything she offered, knowing he had nothing permanent to give her in return.
But that wasn’t the real problem.
He ached to spend the night making love to her until they both collapsed in exhaustion, and then wake up with her naked in his arms so he could make love to her again. And he wanted to do it every night for the rest of their lives. But he was leaving and her life was firmly rooted in Sanctuary.
He needed to end this before either one of them got in any deeper.
He devoured the rest of the pie and stood up with his plate in his hand. “I’ll help you wash up and then I’d better go.”
She looked as though he’d just thrown ice water in her face. “You don’t have to leave yet. The girls are spending the night at Claire’s.”
He knew that. “I don’t want folks seeing my truck parked in your driveway and drawing conclusions that might hurt you.”
Her face cleared and a mischievous glint shone in her eyes. “We can put it in the garage. Or better yet, park it four doors down in front of that old busybody Bertha Shanks’ house. She’ll go crazy wondering who you’re staking out.”
He realized he owed Holly the truth, so he sat back down. “There’s something I need to tell you.”
It looked as though someone had closed the shutters over the face of the sparkling woman he’d been watching. She was bracing herself for the emotional hit. He imagined she’d learned this from her time with her ex-husband, and it made his guilt expand exponentially.
He tried to figure out how to sugarcoat his news but he decided the bald truth was the best way to handle it. “I’ve accepted a job with the police department in Atlanta, and I’ll be leaving Sanctuary at the end of January.”
He was baffled when both relief and guilt showed on her face. She nodded. “I know. I overheard you talking with Paul in Grady’s barn the other evening.”
That rocked him back in his chair. He struggled to rearrange his thoughts around this information.
Holly looked down at her hands, folded on the table. “Maybe it makes me a bad person, but I wanted this to happen, even though I knew you were leaving.” She lifted her gaze back to his. “I feel like a woman again. Not a failure.”
The honesty of her socked him in the gut. “Frank was the failure, not you.”
Now she turned to stare at the Christmas tree although he was sure she wasn’t seeing the reflection of the lights on the tinsel. “When someone you love tells you over and over again that you’re no good, you start to believe it. And then you feel like a weak-minded fool when you finally realize it’s not true. But the belief has taken root somewhere so deep inside you that you can’t quite dig it out.”
“Holly—” He reached across the table to lay his hand on top of hers.
She turned her palm up to wrap her fingers around his as she summoned a smile. “It’s okay. I’m okay. I just needed this one last piece to put myself back together again. Thank you.”
She was thanking him for some of the greatest sex he’d ever had? He had to fix this. “You’ve got it backwards. I don’t deserve to touch the hem of your skirt, but I’ve gotten to taste your lips and kiss your breasts and come inside you. I’m the one who’s grateful.”
Her face took on a glow. She leaned across the table toward him
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