A Concise Chinese-English Dictionary for Lovers by Xiaolu Guo Page A

be timid people.
    Here is the birthday gift from you. Two book. The first is
The Happy Prince and Other Tales
by Oscar Wilde. You say is good book for me to start with, to understand English writing easily. The second one is
To the Lighthouse
by Virginia Woolf. You say it can be read later on, when my English becomes very good.
    Then Japanese girl Yoko gives me small little box. It is delicate, like perfume box. On the cover it says:
    Waterproof Personal Massager
    MADE IN CHINA
    What’s this waterproof? Battery? Watch? There is picture on the cover: it is something looks like small cucumber but slightly bended.
    Curiously, I open the box. It comes out a smooth plastic thing look exactly like small cucumber. On the bottom there are some buttons: on/off/fast/slow. Is it toothbrush machine? I put into my mouth, but it not fit easily. A massage machine for facial beauty? Or for back and neck aching? Maybe the instruction will tell me.
    I unfold the little piece of instruction.
    Natural Contours—it’s great to be a woman
    Then there is a printed letter:
    Dear Customer,
    Thank you for purchasing your new Natural Contours massager. Natural Contours is a revolutionary approach to personal relaxation: a massager that’s ergonomically designed to fit the contours of a woman’s body. It is our goal to offer you personal products that encompass quality, taste, and style to please today’s woman.
    With the move toward greater self-awareness and exploration for women, we hope this product meets with your expectations and opens up a whole new world of personal relaxation for you.
    Then there are some sincere advertise on the verse of the page:
    Answering the call for quality personal products, Natural Contours delivers unbeatable performance: a stylish massager with a low noise motor that provides stimulating vibration. The elegant, impact-resistant casing is ergonomically designed to complement a woman’s natural shape.
    TO OPERATE: SWITCH TO “ON” POSITION
    So follow this instruction I switch on the machine. It is beeping. Everybody who eats the hotpot now stops eating and look at me.
    You lean to me and whisper in my ear, “It’s a vibrator. You put it in your vagina.”
    Holding the vibrate, my hand is shaking badly. I switch it off. It makes me feel horrified.
    Everybody in the party laughs.
    “I think Asian people have a great sense of humour,” you say.
    “No, we don’t,” I clarify.
    “Why not? You and Yoko make everybody laugh all the time.”
    “No. We Chinese don’t understand humour. We look funny just because the culture difference, and we just being too honest,” I say.
    “Yes, when you say things very honest, people think you are funny. But we stupid,” Yoko adds.
    “Yes, I agree.” Here comes Korea girl Kim Yan Zhen eventually. She barely speaks, but whenever she speaks she impress everybody. She seriously makes a comment:
    “Humour is a Western concept.”
    Is super English. I didn’t know Kim’s English improve so much recently.
    Your friends look at us three Orientals, like look at three panda escape from bamboo forest.
    I watch the vibrate. I want to make a comment as well: “Enjoy sex is a Western concept too.”
    “That’s rubbish. Men enjoy the sex everywhere,” says Korea girl Kim Yan Zhen.
    Mans look at each other.
    “But, I mean, Yoko, did you give her the vibrator as a joke or as a serious gift?” you ask.
    “Of course serious,” answer by Yoko. I know Yoko is serious. Oriental people are serious, even young punks.
    “Have you never seen a vibrator before?” one of your friends ask me.
    “No. How would I?”
    “But it’s made in China,” the friend says.
    “Doesn’t mean I see it,” I say. “Actually those big international co-op factories run by foreigners. And the managers employ lots cheap labours like peasants, peasants’ wives. And those womans they don’t really know what is this machine for, but they just make it, by putting every piece of spare parts