mom’s house. Everything seemed so peaceful. It was like time stood still here. Maybe I wasn’t aging either. That would be awesome.
“So, did you buy a kiki mechanique?” my mom asked, breaking the silence.
“Mom! Really? Do we have to talk about vibrators this morning?”
“Maybe a dildo? What is the difference between a vibrator and a dildo?”
I hung my head and groaned loudly. The back door opened and my brother sauntered out, stretching his arms and yawning.
“A vibrator has batteries, Mom. A dildo doesn’t. Then there’s the clit tickler,” my brother explained.
“A clit tickler?” my mom asked.
“Yeah. Brit has one named Bob.” He glanced over at us with a grin.
“Your wife named her clit tickler Bob? How do you know this?” I asked like an idiot.
“Well, one night she thought I was asleep and I heard her shouting ‘Oh yes, Bob!’. Pissed me off thinking she had some other dude in bed with us.”
“On that note.” My mother stood up. “I will get us a coffee refill.”
“You asked, Ma.” My brother winked, taking the seat across from me. He eyed me closely and then lifted an inquisitive brow. “What’s got your grannies in a bunch this morning, dorkus?”
“How did you know you loved Brit?” I asked him.
My brother reclined on the chair and looked into the distance. A goofy look crossed his features and I had to smile.
“It had to have been the night we went out for Mexican. I tried so hard for an hour after that not to fart. You know how bad they are.”
I shook my head. I did know. The thought kept me up at night sometimes.
“But I just couldn’t hold it and finally, I let one loose. It was a silent one and I thought it might not smell. I was wrong. It was an SBD.”
“Silent but deadly.” I nodded. “Go on.”
“Brit’s nose wrinkled and for a second I thought she might pass out, but then she looked over at me and said ‘Damn, that was a 10 on the TBSS.’”
“TBSS?” I asked.
“Taco Bell smell scale,” my brother provided. “I could have killed a skunk with that one. I knew she was the one for me right then.”
“Anyone who can survive your gas is a keeper,” I agreed.
“If you can fart and shit in front of them, it’s going to last.”
“Fan on or off?”
“Both.”
I laughed.
“So why do you ask?” My brother leaned forward and folded his hands together. “Is there a special someone in your life?”
“It’s Jensen.”
I really didn’t need to say any more than that. My brother knew exactly who Jensen was because he was there when I went into a tailspin. His mouth opened, then closed, then opened again. I raised a hand and stopped him.
“I know what you’re going to say.”
“Do you?” He stood up. “I watched you the first time, Serena. I wanted to kill him then!”
“Robbie, it’s different now. I’m different.”
“Yeah? So where is he?”
I covered my face with my hands and exhaled loudly.
“He went back to his fiancé,” I mumbled.
“I’m sorry, what was that again?”
I glanced up to see Robbie with a hand to his ear.
“I could have sworn you mumbled he’s back with his fiancé.”
“I did, and before you start going all fucking crazy on me, let me tell you a few things.”
I filled my brother in on everything, from my first meeting with Jensen, to meeting his fiancé. I loved my brother, don’t get me wrong, but he could be scary as fuck when he got pissed. I brought him all the way up to speed and then waited for him to speak.
“Damn, he’s fucked in the head, isn’t he?” My brother flopped back into the chair with an exaggerated growl.
“He was happy, Robbie. I could tell. He smiled and laughed and talked about dating. Something happened when he went back to Tucson.”
“Look, I got a guy, really good friend of mine and a major in the army—”
“As sexy as that sounds? I’m not ready.” I shook my head.
“I have a colonel friend too.”
“Okay, listen up, Fruit Loop. When
“So, did you buy a kiki mechanique?” my mom asked, breaking the silence.
“Mom! Really? Do we have to talk about vibrators this morning?”
“Maybe a dildo? What is the difference between a vibrator and a dildo?”
I hung my head and groaned loudly. The back door opened and my brother sauntered out, stretching his arms and yawning.
“A vibrator has batteries, Mom. A dildo doesn’t. Then there’s the clit tickler,” my brother explained.
“A clit tickler?” my mom asked.
“Yeah. Brit has one named Bob.” He glanced over at us with a grin.
“Your wife named her clit tickler Bob? How do you know this?” I asked like an idiot.
“Well, one night she thought I was asleep and I heard her shouting ‘Oh yes, Bob!’. Pissed me off thinking she had some other dude in bed with us.”
“On that note.” My mother stood up. “I will get us a coffee refill.”
“You asked, Ma.” My brother winked, taking the seat across from me. He eyed me closely and then lifted an inquisitive brow. “What’s got your grannies in a bunch this morning, dorkus?”
“How did you know you loved Brit?” I asked him.
My brother reclined on the chair and looked into the distance. A goofy look crossed his features and I had to smile.
“It had to have been the night we went out for Mexican. I tried so hard for an hour after that not to fart. You know how bad they are.”
I shook my head. I did know. The thought kept me up at night sometimes.
“But I just couldn’t hold it and finally, I let one loose. It was a silent one and I thought it might not smell. I was wrong. It was an SBD.”
“Silent but deadly.” I nodded. “Go on.”
“Brit’s nose wrinkled and for a second I thought she might pass out, but then she looked over at me and said ‘Damn, that was a 10 on the TBSS.’”
“TBSS?” I asked.
“Taco Bell smell scale,” my brother provided. “I could have killed a skunk with that one. I knew she was the one for me right then.”
“Anyone who can survive your gas is a keeper,” I agreed.
“If you can fart and shit in front of them, it’s going to last.”
“Fan on or off?”
“Both.”
I laughed.
“So why do you ask?” My brother leaned forward and folded his hands together. “Is there a special someone in your life?”
“It’s Jensen.”
I really didn’t need to say any more than that. My brother knew exactly who Jensen was because he was there when I went into a tailspin. His mouth opened, then closed, then opened again. I raised a hand and stopped him.
“I know what you’re going to say.”
“Do you?” He stood up. “I watched you the first time, Serena. I wanted to kill him then!”
“Robbie, it’s different now. I’m different.”
“Yeah? So where is he?”
I covered my face with my hands and exhaled loudly.
“He went back to his fiancé,” I mumbled.
“I’m sorry, what was that again?”
I glanced up to see Robbie with a hand to his ear.
“I could have sworn you mumbled he’s back with his fiancé.”
“I did, and before you start going all fucking crazy on me, let me tell you a few things.”
I filled my brother in on everything, from my first meeting with Jensen, to meeting his fiancé. I loved my brother, don’t get me wrong, but he could be scary as fuck when he got pissed. I brought him all the way up to speed and then waited for him to speak.
“Damn, he’s fucked in the head, isn’t he?” My brother flopped back into the chair with an exaggerated growl.
“He was happy, Robbie. I could tell. He smiled and laughed and talked about dating. Something happened when he went back to Tucson.”
“Look, I got a guy, really good friend of mine and a major in the army—”
“As sexy as that sounds? I’m not ready.” I shook my head.
“I have a colonel friend too.”
“Okay, listen up, Fruit Loop. When
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