9780982307403 by Gregrhi Arawn Love Page B

waiting for him
    to return, I listened to the radio, drank Yoo-hoo,
    and ate pizza.
    Bobby bought me candy and Yoo-hoo nearly
    each day. I was allowed to play outside as spring
    approached and the weather became warmer.
    Being seen with Bobby had brought a certain
    level of protection among the neighborhood
    children. I could walk and play outside without
    fear. I made friends with several of the other kids
    and was allowed to visit them in their apartments.
    My body healed, and my appearance became less
    unsettling.
    Debbie also went unharmed while Matthew was
    gone. Bobby’s rage was all but gone, and because
    she too escaped the beatings, she was able to turn
    more tricks outside the apartment. Bobby and I

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    sat on the couch and watched television, smoking
    pot and drinking beer, while Debbie worked her
    nights away. Debbie was more attentive to the
    cleanliness of the apartment, and the refrigerator
    always had food. The calm of the apartment was
    palpable.
    We laughed and had a good time around the
    apartment. Each day I ate hot meals at the table
    with Debbie, Bobby, and Ruby in her high chair.
    Debbie bought an ear-piercing gun for Ruby’s
    first birthday, and I was allowed to sit with
    Debbie and her “friends” as they tried to figure
    out how to use it. I was allowed to play with and
    even feed Ruby for the first time while Matthew
    was away. Since she had been born almost a year
    earlier, I had been kept away from her, as I was
    so despised by Bobby. He didn’t want “Debbie’s
    bastard kid” near his own child, though Debbie
    was the mother of both of us.
    Four weeks went by, and each week was better
    than the last. We were like a real family whenever

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    the social workers came by. I was noticeably
    happier and more relaxed than ever. Each time
    the social worker got up to go, she would
    comment on how pleasant we all seemed and
    what a change she had noticed since first coming
    to the apartment. She was very pleased with our
    progress as a family, and she was convinced it was
    Matthew who had caused me so much harm. She
    gave us weekly updates on Matthew, who was
    living with an older woman who had had years of
    experience with foster children. According to the
    reports Matthew was doing well.
    She said he seemed happy and settled, but that it
    was time that he come home, so we could all be
    together again. I pleaded with the social worker
    as I had when she had originally taken Matthew,
    but this time because I didn’t want the happiness
    to end. I did not fear the future. I had gotten a
    taste of Matthew’s relationship with Bobby, and I
    didn’t want it to end. It was plain to me why
    Matthew was so happy with Bobby. Unwilling to

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    give up the relationship that had formed between
    us all, I continued to beg the social worker to
    keep Matthew away. She refuted my pleas by
    suggesting that Matthew was a calm and happy
    boy. She promised that he would not cause me
    any more problems. Knowing I could never tell
    the truth, I stopped pleading and sat quietly by
    my mother’s side. The social worker told us that
    Matthew would be returning home in a few days
    and that we should all prepare ourselves for his
    return.
    On April 18, Matthew returned home with an
    unfamiliar suitcase. He was accompanied by the
    same social worker that had been visiting us, but
    there were no police officers as there had been
    when Matthew had left. His suitcase was full of
    new clothes and toys that he pulled out and
    displayed to us excitedly. He was exuberant to be
    back in the apartment, and Bobby and Debbie
    were giving him a hero’s welcome. There was a
    cake, laughter, and group hugs. I sat on the couch

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    and sulked, knowing the good times were over.
    The social worker scolded me for not joining in
    the revelry and suggested that Matthew and I
    attend counseling sessions to work out our
    differences. She offered to set it all up, but Debbie
    declined in favor of first “seeing how it goes.”