59 Seconds: Think a Little, Change a Lot by Richard Wiseman Page B

different “loving” styles in their romantic relationships. This style does not tend to change throughout a person’s life, and it plays a key role in determining their relationships. Some researchers believe that these styles are determined by people’s relationship with their primary caregiver during childhood, 10 and others argue that it is all about brain functioning. 11 Regardless, the following questionnaire will give you an insight into how you score on the three main loving styles. 12
    Take a few moments to read the nine statements that follow, and assign each of them a rating to indicate the degree to which they describe you. Some of the statements refer to a specific relationship, while others refer to your general beliefs. Whenever possible, answer the questions with your current partner in mind or, if you are not in a relationship, answer with your most recent partner in mind. If you have not been in a relationship, answer in a way that is consistent with how you believe you would think and behave. Don’t spend too long thinking about each statement—and answer honestly.
    Assign each item a rating between 1 (“strongly disagree”) and 5 (“strongly agree”).
     
1
I was attracted to my partner within moments of meeting him/her.
1 2 3 4 5
2
When it comes to relationships, I find a certain type of person attractive, and my partner fits that ideal.
1 2 3 4 5
3
My partner and I simply feel like we were meant for each other.
1 2 3 4 5
4
I value loving relationships that grow out of strong friendships.
1 2 3 4 5
5
I cannot say exactly when I fell in love. It seemed to happen over a relatively long period of time.
1 2 3 4 5
6
Love is not a mysterious sensation but rather an extreme form of caring and friendship.
1 2 3 4 5
7
My partner would not be happy if he/she knew some of the things that I get up to.
1 2 3 4 5
8
I like the idea of playing the field with several different partners.
1 2 3 4 5
9
I tend to bounce back from failed love affairs quite easily.
1 2 3 4 5
    Scoring
    This type of questionnaire measures the three main kinds of loving styles. Based on concepts first proposed by the famous Greek philosopher Plato, these are commonly referred to by psychologists as Eros (Greek for “desire”), Ludus (“game playing”), and Storge (“affection”). To calculate your score for each style, add your scores together for the following statements.
    Statements 1, 2, and 3 = Eros
    Statements 4, 5, and 6 = Storge
    Statements 7, 8, and 9 = Ludus
The highest of the three scores indicates your main loving style.
Eros: These lovers have very strong ideas about the type of physical and psychological characteristics that they desire in a partner. When they encounter a match, they frequently experience love at first sight and, all being well, engage in an emotionally intense relationship. Such relationships tend to survive for a few years but often falter as the love of their life changes over time and no longer matches their strict criteria. When this happens, the passionate Eros lover again sets off in search of the perfect soul mate. Extroverted and giving, passionate lovers feel secure in their relationships and are willing to be emotionally close to others. They tend to become infatuated during the initial stages of any relationship, and while in the grip of passionate love would not dream of infidelity.
Storge: These lovers value trust over lust. Instead of having a perfect partner in mind, they slowly develop a network of friends in the hope that affection will transform into deep commitment and love. Once committed, they are intensely loyal and supportive, and tend to form only one or two long-term romantic relationship(s) throughout their life. Highly altruistic and trusting, they have often been brought up in a large family and feel comfortable with the idea of depending on others for support.
Ludus: These lovers have no ideal type in mind but are instead happy to play the