that!’
No, I don’t … I tell myself exactly the same thing every other minute. I fight back tears. ‘Sorry, Miss Elise.’
She claps her hands to dismiss Jodie and Sushila, and they shoot me sympathetic glances as they go through to get changed.
My teacher sighs. ‘You’re one of the best pupils I have had here for a very long time,’ she says briskly. ‘You have potential – good technical skills and a spirited, expressive style that sets you apart. Those are the reasons Sylvie Rochelle picked you out … so where are those qualities now? These last two weeks you’ve been tired, slow, lacklustre. You’ve always struck me as one of the most dedicated, determined students I have, yet you seem to have just stopped trying!’
‘No!’ I protest. ‘That’s not true!’
‘Do you realize what a fantastic opportunity this is?’ she asks. I nod, mute.
‘Then show me, Summer,’ she says, exasperated. ‘The auditions are two weeks away. Be ready. Don’t let me down. This won’t happen all by itself – you have to work at it, you have to be serious about it.’
‘I am serious!’
‘Push yourself,’ Miss Elise says. ‘Find the spark, the passion. You can do it, I know you can!’
Spark again. That elusive quality I just don’t have – not with boys, not with dancing, maybe not at all. When did I lose it? Can I find it again, set it alight with the fire of my determination? Miss Elise’s words cut deep, but I smile, even though I feel like crying.
Later Jodie and I sit in the cafe down by the seafront, sipping skinny lattes. ‘Miss Elise was totally picking on you today,’ Jodie says. ‘She can be a real slave-driver sometimes. You danced fine, Summer. Not your best maybe, but everyone has an off day sometimes. You should have told her, you know.’
‘Told her what?’ I frown.
‘About breaking up with Aaron,’ Jodie says. ‘You said in the changing rooms it was no big deal, but it’s got to haveput you off your stride, seeing him with that horrible girl and everything.’
‘It was nothing to do with Aaron,’ I say.
‘Your mum and stepdad are away,’ Jodie continues, ‘and you’ve got all those film people staying in the house. That’ll be stressful too. You should have explained!’
‘I’m fine,’ I say, stirring my latte. ‘It’s nothing to do with any of that. I don’t get it, Jodie – she thinks I’m not serious, not trying. I mean, is she kidding? I practise every single day, for hours! It’s all I ever think about lately!’
Jodie licks the strawberry jam off her scone thoughtfully. ‘Maybe you’re trying too hard,’ she considers. ‘Overdoing it. I practise every day too, but not for hours and hours. It’d drive me nuts. Maybe you’re doing too much? Getting – I don’t know, stale? You are looking a bit tired, you know.’
I sigh. ‘Miss Elise thinks I’m not serious enough. You think I’m working too hard. I can’t win, can I?’
Jodie shrugs, spooning up a curl of clotted cream. ‘You just seem a bit stressed, that’s all,’ she says. ‘It’s such a big thing, isn’t it? But it’s all down to fate in the end, you know. If it’s meant to happen, it will. If not … well, we have to accept it.’
This is not what I want to hear. Fate is way too fickle – Ican’t step back and allow it to steer my life. Taking control is the only way.
‘Do your best,’ Jodie is saying. ‘Obviously. But don’t let it take over your life!’
It’s a bit too late for that, of course. This dream has been driving my life ever since I can remember, and I have never been closer to touching it. Now is not the time to relax the pressure. Just over a fortnight from now, the auditions will be done and dusted, but until then I cannot, will not stop trying.
‘I just want to get a place,’ I say. ‘I have to make them think I’m right for that course. I’m doing everything I can think of!’
‘Me too,’ Jodie says, biting into her cream scone.
No, I don’t … I tell myself exactly the same thing every other minute. I fight back tears. ‘Sorry, Miss Elise.’
She claps her hands to dismiss Jodie and Sushila, and they shoot me sympathetic glances as they go through to get changed.
My teacher sighs. ‘You’re one of the best pupils I have had here for a very long time,’ she says briskly. ‘You have potential – good technical skills and a spirited, expressive style that sets you apart. Those are the reasons Sylvie Rochelle picked you out … so where are those qualities now? These last two weeks you’ve been tired, slow, lacklustre. You’ve always struck me as one of the most dedicated, determined students I have, yet you seem to have just stopped trying!’
‘No!’ I protest. ‘That’s not true!’
‘Do you realize what a fantastic opportunity this is?’ she asks. I nod, mute.
‘Then show me, Summer,’ she says, exasperated. ‘The auditions are two weeks away. Be ready. Don’t let me down. This won’t happen all by itself – you have to work at it, you have to be serious about it.’
‘I am serious!’
‘Push yourself,’ Miss Elise says. ‘Find the spark, the passion. You can do it, I know you can!’
Spark again. That elusive quality I just don’t have – not with boys, not with dancing, maybe not at all. When did I lose it? Can I find it again, set it alight with the fire of my determination? Miss Elise’s words cut deep, but I smile, even though I feel like crying.
Later Jodie and I sit in the cafe down by the seafront, sipping skinny lattes. ‘Miss Elise was totally picking on you today,’ Jodie says. ‘She can be a real slave-driver sometimes. You danced fine, Summer. Not your best maybe, but everyone has an off day sometimes. You should have told her, you know.’
‘Told her what?’ I frown.
‘About breaking up with Aaron,’ Jodie says. ‘You said in the changing rooms it was no big deal, but it’s got to haveput you off your stride, seeing him with that horrible girl and everything.’
‘It was nothing to do with Aaron,’ I say.
‘Your mum and stepdad are away,’ Jodie continues, ‘and you’ve got all those film people staying in the house. That’ll be stressful too. You should have explained!’
‘I’m fine,’ I say, stirring my latte. ‘It’s nothing to do with any of that. I don’t get it, Jodie – she thinks I’m not serious, not trying. I mean, is she kidding? I practise every single day, for hours! It’s all I ever think about lately!’
Jodie licks the strawberry jam off her scone thoughtfully. ‘Maybe you’re trying too hard,’ she considers. ‘Overdoing it. I practise every day too, but not for hours and hours. It’d drive me nuts. Maybe you’re doing too much? Getting – I don’t know, stale? You are looking a bit tired, you know.’
I sigh. ‘Miss Elise thinks I’m not serious enough. You think I’m working too hard. I can’t win, can I?’
Jodie shrugs, spooning up a curl of clotted cream. ‘You just seem a bit stressed, that’s all,’ she says. ‘It’s such a big thing, isn’t it? But it’s all down to fate in the end, you know. If it’s meant to happen, it will. If not … well, we have to accept it.’
This is not what I want to hear. Fate is way too fickle – Ican’t step back and allow it to steer my life. Taking control is the only way.
‘Do your best,’ Jodie is saying. ‘Obviously. But don’t let it take over your life!’
It’s a bit too late for that, of course. This dream has been driving my life ever since I can remember, and I have never been closer to touching it. Now is not the time to relax the pressure. Just over a fortnight from now, the auditions will be done and dusted, but until then I cannot, will not stop trying.
‘I just want to get a place,’ I say. ‘I have to make them think I’m right for that course. I’m doing everything I can think of!’
‘Me too,’ Jodie says, biting into her cream scone.
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