(11/20) Farther Afield by Miss Read Page A

fall in love with her all over again.'
    'And did he?'
    'I think not. He was even more subdued after that little escapade; but she did succeed as she intended to do.'
    Amy sighed.
    'You can imagine my feelings on hearing this tale. I was absolutely furious. At that age I thought I should have let the man have his way, and gone off myself, rejoicing in the two hundred which would keep me going until I found a suitable job. To crawl around trying to get him back was the last thing I should have done. I was so shocked by my aunt's attitude that I said nothing. Perhaps it was as well.'
    'And how do you feel now about it?'
    Amy looked at me steadily.
    'I'm thirty years older and wiser. I know now how Aunt Winifred felt. To put it at its lowest level first – why should she give up her bed and board, and all the settled ways of a lifetime simply because he wanted to opt out of a solemn contract they had made? Why should she – the innocent party – shatter her own life simply because he wanted to be unfaithful?
    'On a slightly less material plane, she realised, I know, – and now that I'm facing the same problem I know how much it hurts – that one can't just destroy a shared life by walking away. The memories, the experiences, the influences one has had on the other, have simply made you what you are, and they can never be completely wiped out.'
    Amy reached for a piece of grass and began to nibble it thoughtfully. Her voice was steady, her eyes dry. It seemed to me that this outpouring was the fruit of much suffering and tension. One could only hope it would give her relief, and I was glad to be able to play the role of passive friend.
    'And then, of course, Aunt Winifred was a religious woman and took her marriage vows seriously. When she was told that God had joined them together and that no man, or woman, should put them asunder, then she believed it without a shadow of doubt. I'm sure she stuck to Uncle Peter as she did because she felt sure he would be committing a mortal sin and must be saved from this truly wicked temptation. She told herself – as God knows I've told myself often enough – that this was a kind of madness which would pass if she could only hold on.'
    Amy threw away her ruined grass stalk.
    'And she did, and the marriage held, and I don't think she ever chided Uncle Peter about the affair. But for all that, it no could never be quite the same again. You can't be hurt as much as that and get away without the scars.'
    There was a little silence, broken only by the mewing of a seagull, balancing in the air nearby.
    'And will you hold on?' I ventured.
    Amy nodded slowly.
    'I've learnt that much from Aunt Winifred. In the end, the outcome may not be the same, but I've more sense now, than I had thirty years ago, than to fling off in high independence and precipitate things.'
    She turned to me suddenly and smiled.
    'And another thing, I'm so awfully fond of the silly old man. We've shared too much and for too long to be pettish with each other. I'm not throwing that away lightly. That's the real stuff of marriage which you lucky old spinsters, with your nice uncomplicated lives, can't appreciate. It's an enrichment. It's fun. It's absorbing – more so, I imagine, if you have a family – and so you just don't destroy it, but nurture it.'
    She sprang to her feet, took my one good hand in hers and heaved me upright.
    'Come along, Nelson,' she said, as I adjusted my sling. 'Toplou is some way off. Think of those fortunate monks who have no such problems as mine!'
    We piled the remains of our picnic into the basket, and picked our way back to the car.
    Amy's spirits had recovered. She chanted as we headed eastward:
' And miles to go before I sleep
' And miles to go before I sleep. '

11 Toplou

    T HE monastery of Toplou stood like a fortress silhouetted against the grey sky. We approached it by a tortuous road, snaking up the hillside.
    The wind grew stronger as we ascended, and a fine drizzle of rain misted