whine that we need our glasses for everything. We can’t read the directions on the shampoo bottle. But we don’t want to see what’s actually happening.
The mole on your face, the beauty mark which had been in a perfect spot your whole life making you look a bit glamorous, is now sprouting hair. And you look a bit more like a witch than you would care to admit. You’re not beautiful anymore. Your husband says he can’t see the hair though. Your wrinkles look softer through his old eyes.
We use reading glasses when we have to, but we cannot use them all the time because they don’t help with seeing the world from far away. But they have an operation now that can fix all that. In and out and you have perfect vision. It’s like antibiotics. A magic bullet. Because antibiotics can cure everything—so they use it in everything. Even soap.
And now we have diseases that can’t be cured with antibiotics—super-bugs that are going to kill us like before we had antibiotics. It’s just a matter of time. Soon the drive-thru eye operations will enable us to see better than before—maybe better than anyone has ever seen. We will have x-ray vision that allows us to see into the souls of others. We will be able to know who is filled with poison and who is not. Then we can get rid of all the people that are toxic and we won’t ever have to worry about them again.
Day 4
Did you know that all the best people belong to country clubs? If you can afford the $75,000 fee to get in and if you don’t mind people coming to check out your house and if you think it’s okay to post your name in the clubhouse for approval from all the other members and you feel it is obscene to show your shoulders, you will definitely get in and be surrounded by the best people in town. Of course you want your children to rub elbows with other children of wealthy parents, because it is a sign that you are a much better person than all the other people in town who are not in the club.
At the club they have a pool and a golf course that you have to pay extra for every time you want to play. All members are expected to eat there at least four times a month—and they must pay for that too, because having lots and lots of money is a sign that God loves you. He wants you to live well and be happy and make lots of money. But don’t act like a big shot—and don’t do too well for yourself because then you will be considered conceited and no one will like you.
And why, for God’s sake, if you have so much money, would you live in that tiny house? It doesn’t even have the nicest decorations or a dark red dining room! By the way, your taste is not at all classic, is it? You have a tendency toward the eclectic, don’t you? And you really are such a handful, you know.
What do you mean you are going to a Junior League function? That does not seem like something you would do at all . It sounds like something I would do. See? You’re confusing and hard to handle. Wait—you could have gotten married at the country club and you chose not to? Hmm. Really—who was going to sponsor you? And you don’t like to cook? Oh, that is too bad. I went through nine rugs before I finally settled on this one. Oh, I forgot to tell you, we are redoing the kitchen—again! I’m so excited! Do you want to come with me and pick out custom-made tile?
Day 5
Dream analysis: If you dream there is a lion at one door of your Jeep, and a poisonous snake at the other, maybe you feel trapped. If you dream of blood—someone will die. If you dream you are driving and your baby is in the back seat and you are throwing French fries back there, you will fall out of love with your spouse. If you dream your friend is lying on the floor asleep and when she opens her eyes you see nothing there but the burning fire of a furnace—something terrible is going to happen.
Day 6
Sunny days are the worst. If you don’t put on your shorts and lip gloss and make plans to eat at the bistro at
The mole on your face, the beauty mark which had been in a perfect spot your whole life making you look a bit glamorous, is now sprouting hair. And you look a bit more like a witch than you would care to admit. You’re not beautiful anymore. Your husband says he can’t see the hair though. Your wrinkles look softer through his old eyes.
We use reading glasses when we have to, but we cannot use them all the time because they don’t help with seeing the world from far away. But they have an operation now that can fix all that. In and out and you have perfect vision. It’s like antibiotics. A magic bullet. Because antibiotics can cure everything—so they use it in everything. Even soap.
And now we have diseases that can’t be cured with antibiotics—super-bugs that are going to kill us like before we had antibiotics. It’s just a matter of time. Soon the drive-thru eye operations will enable us to see better than before—maybe better than anyone has ever seen. We will have x-ray vision that allows us to see into the souls of others. We will be able to know who is filled with poison and who is not. Then we can get rid of all the people that are toxic and we won’t ever have to worry about them again.
Day 4
Did you know that all the best people belong to country clubs? If you can afford the $75,000 fee to get in and if you don’t mind people coming to check out your house and if you think it’s okay to post your name in the clubhouse for approval from all the other members and you feel it is obscene to show your shoulders, you will definitely get in and be surrounded by the best people in town. Of course you want your children to rub elbows with other children of wealthy parents, because it is a sign that you are a much better person than all the other people in town who are not in the club.
At the club they have a pool and a golf course that you have to pay extra for every time you want to play. All members are expected to eat there at least four times a month—and they must pay for that too, because having lots and lots of money is a sign that God loves you. He wants you to live well and be happy and make lots of money. But don’t act like a big shot—and don’t do too well for yourself because then you will be considered conceited and no one will like you.
And why, for God’s sake, if you have so much money, would you live in that tiny house? It doesn’t even have the nicest decorations or a dark red dining room! By the way, your taste is not at all classic, is it? You have a tendency toward the eclectic, don’t you? And you really are such a handful, you know.
What do you mean you are going to a Junior League function? That does not seem like something you would do at all . It sounds like something I would do. See? You’re confusing and hard to handle. Wait—you could have gotten married at the country club and you chose not to? Hmm. Really—who was going to sponsor you? And you don’t like to cook? Oh, that is too bad. I went through nine rugs before I finally settled on this one. Oh, I forgot to tell you, we are redoing the kitchen—again! I’m so excited! Do you want to come with me and pick out custom-made tile?
Day 5
Dream analysis: If you dream there is a lion at one door of your Jeep, and a poisonous snake at the other, maybe you feel trapped. If you dream of blood—someone will die. If you dream you are driving and your baby is in the back seat and you are throwing French fries back there, you will fall out of love with your spouse. If you dream your friend is lying on the floor asleep and when she opens her eyes you see nothing there but the burning fire of a furnace—something terrible is going to happen.
Day 6
Sunny days are the worst. If you don’t put on your shorts and lip gloss and make plans to eat at the bistro at
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