kind at first, but it turns comfortable.
“Care to share?” he finally asks.
“I don’t know what ’s wrong with me,” I say as I pu ll on a few blades of grass between us. My conversation with the girl s and how scared I am, how I made it to twenty-one without having sex, even though I didn’t even intend for it to be that way. All of it whips around my head.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean. Why can’t I just be ?” Like right now. I’m staring at this gorgeous man. Really. Model beautiful. And I can’t enjoy it. I’m to o busy thinking and dissecting… and being afraid of what he might want from me. How I might screw it up since I know nothing about being with someone.
He’s silent and watching me with kind eyes.
“ Kay-Kay had this crazy childhood . Her parents are complete douche-bags. It’s amazing Sam ’s not locked up somewhere, and still, they’re out there living, and I feel like I’m watching from the sidelines. After the way Jeff threw me, it’s like I’ve lost my footing.”
“Bill mentioned him.” Liam wipes his hands on a napkin before adjusting to see me better. “He seems a bit too…nerdy, for someone like you.”
“I used to drink in high school, and it never ended well. Jeff was safe. Made me feel safe. Made it okay that I’m so care ful with the way I live my life now. ”
“Makes sense.”
I nod. “It’s that our families are so connected, and I know I can be stubborn, and opinionated, and—”
“Says the girl wearing the Girls Rule T-shirt.” He smiles . “But I like that about you. Anyone should. It’s part of who you are.”
I glance down and smile because it’s sort of a profound, yet simple statement. “My parents expect a lot, but they’re not bad people. I’ve never had anything horribly traumatic happen to me, but God I can’t let go. Not even when I want to. I don’t get it. It’s like life is right here. Right here . I’m supposed to be in it, and I’m not. I’m watching and going through the motions and that’s bullcrap, and I don’t know why I’m letting that happen or why I’m watching instead of taking control and doing something.”
His breath hits my face, making my heart skip and my stomach squeeze.
Instead of answering, his lips press into mine.
My body quakes. I don’t know him. He is not safe. This is a bad idea. His lips part slightly and without thinking, I part mine too, letting out a soft moan at how incredible he feels.
Just as his tongue slides in my mouth I jerk away. I can’t do this. I scoot from him and hold my head in my hands, trying to breathe.
What just happened? Why did I stop it?
He shifts away from me. “Sorry, Jody. God. I didn’t mean…”
But what the hell’s wrong with me? I told Kay-Kay to just go for it, and now I can’t? She has a lot more to lose than I do. She’s totally gone over Alex and the odds of that working out are… not good. She’s still moving forward. Pushing forward. Hard. Or that’s the way it seems.
“I know you want us to be friends. I want us to be friends. You just… You have so much to say, and I love what you have to say…” He reaches out a hand, which I scoot away from.
What about Sam — T ake the summer . Be wild. Just because you like someone doesn’t mean you nee d to be picking out china. E njoy yourself .
But as I look at Liam who should be with someone so different than me, and think about Jeff and my parents and school and Ireland and all the millions of things that hang in the air between us, and I can’t stay.
“I’m so sorry.” I stand up and leave him alone on the edge of the lake.
Chapter Twenty
“You left him out there?” Kay-Kay smacks the back of my head.
“Ow.” I rub my head, which is still sweaty from my morning run. I may have overdone the distance a bit today in an attempt to forget about last night.
It didn’t work.
“Are you that worried about getting so attached that you can ’t just enjoy his body ?”
My cheeks
“Care to share?” he finally asks.
“I don’t know what ’s wrong with me,” I say as I pu ll on a few blades of grass between us. My conversation with the girl s and how scared I am, how I made it to twenty-one without having sex, even though I didn’t even intend for it to be that way. All of it whips around my head.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean. Why can’t I just be ?” Like right now. I’m staring at this gorgeous man. Really. Model beautiful. And I can’t enjoy it. I’m to o busy thinking and dissecting… and being afraid of what he might want from me. How I might screw it up since I know nothing about being with someone.
He’s silent and watching me with kind eyes.
“ Kay-Kay had this crazy childhood . Her parents are complete douche-bags. It’s amazing Sam ’s not locked up somewhere, and still, they’re out there living, and I feel like I’m watching from the sidelines. After the way Jeff threw me, it’s like I’ve lost my footing.”
“Bill mentioned him.” Liam wipes his hands on a napkin before adjusting to see me better. “He seems a bit too…nerdy, for someone like you.”
“I used to drink in high school, and it never ended well. Jeff was safe. Made me feel safe. Made it okay that I’m so care ful with the way I live my life now. ”
“Makes sense.”
I nod. “It’s that our families are so connected, and I know I can be stubborn, and opinionated, and—”
“Says the girl wearing the Girls Rule T-shirt.” He smiles . “But I like that about you. Anyone should. It’s part of who you are.”
I glance down and smile because it’s sort of a profound, yet simple statement. “My parents expect a lot, but they’re not bad people. I’ve never had anything horribly traumatic happen to me, but God I can’t let go. Not even when I want to. I don’t get it. It’s like life is right here. Right here . I’m supposed to be in it, and I’m not. I’m watching and going through the motions and that’s bullcrap, and I don’t know why I’m letting that happen or why I’m watching instead of taking control and doing something.”
His breath hits my face, making my heart skip and my stomach squeeze.
Instead of answering, his lips press into mine.
My body quakes. I don’t know him. He is not safe. This is a bad idea. His lips part slightly and without thinking, I part mine too, letting out a soft moan at how incredible he feels.
Just as his tongue slides in my mouth I jerk away. I can’t do this. I scoot from him and hold my head in my hands, trying to breathe.
What just happened? Why did I stop it?
He shifts away from me. “Sorry, Jody. God. I didn’t mean…”
But what the hell’s wrong with me? I told Kay-Kay to just go for it, and now I can’t? She has a lot more to lose than I do. She’s totally gone over Alex and the odds of that working out are… not good. She’s still moving forward. Pushing forward. Hard. Or that’s the way it seems.
“I know you want us to be friends. I want us to be friends. You just… You have so much to say, and I love what you have to say…” He reaches out a hand, which I scoot away from.
What about Sam — T ake the summer . Be wild. Just because you like someone doesn’t mean you nee d to be picking out china. E njoy yourself .
But as I look at Liam who should be with someone so different than me, and think about Jeff and my parents and school and Ireland and all the millions of things that hang in the air between us, and I can’t stay.
“I’m so sorry.” I stand up and leave him alone on the edge of the lake.
Chapter Twenty
“You left him out there?” Kay-Kay smacks the back of my head.
“Ow.” I rub my head, which is still sweaty from my morning run. I may have overdone the distance a bit today in an attempt to forget about last night.
It didn’t work.
“Are you that worried about getting so attached that you can ’t just enjoy his body ?”
My cheeks
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